Young Teen Teasing Old Man Than Gives Him Blow Jobb The Golden Rule

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The Golden Rule

Pamene ndinatulukira kwa amayi kwanthaŵi yoyamba, anadandaula mobwerezabwereza ponena za chisungiko changa, ngati kuti anthu a m’mudzimo akundidikirira kunja kwa khomo langa ndi miuni ndi mafoloko.

“Anthu ambiri sakonda ma gay, mukudziwa,” iye anatero, ponena za “magay” monga mtundu wawo. “Bwanji ukufuna kudziika pachiswe chotere?”

Mofanana ndi mwana wina wachiyuda wachiyuda, ndinayamba kunyalanyaza nkhawa za mayi anga monga kusokonezeka maganizo. Uyu ndi mzimayi yemwe amakhoma katatu chitseko chake chakuchipinda chake akukhala mu nyumba ya masisitere (mwina kuthamangitsa masisitere aliwonse). Nditakhala loya, adandiuza kuti ndisinthe dzina langa lomaliza ndikudziyesa wakunja, chifukwa “mabungwe azamalamulo sangakonde Ayuda.” Ndinamuuza kuti kwenikweni mabungwe ambiri azamalamulo otchuka anali ndi mayina achiyuda, koma amayi anga analemba zimenezo pofuna “kuyesa kulondola pazandale.” Malinga ndi iye, Ayuda amenewo ayenera kuti anali anthu ongoyerekezera chabe. Zikuwoneka kuti Papa ndiye mwiniwake weniweni wazamalamulo aku America.

Koma ngakhale zotsatira za mavoti odzaza ndi maapulo oipa ochepa, sindikuganiza kuti anthu ambiri samasamala komwe ndimayika mbolo yanga (ngakhale mwina ndiyenera kusamala kwambiri). Zoonadi, pali anthu ena osalolera kunja uko, koma anthu nthawi zonse adzapeza chifukwa choti asamakukondeni ngati akumva choncho. Ngati si kugonana kwanga kungakhale kukoma kwanga kwa ketchup pa pasitala. Ineyo pandekha, sindingathe kuyimilira anthu omwe amagwiritsa ntchito zilembo zolondola pa imelo. Amatipangitsa tonsefe kuoneka aulesi.

Pamene ndimatuluka kwa amayi anga ndinali nditatuluka m’chipindamo kwa zaka khumi, ndipo nthawi yonseyi sindinamvepo pangozi chifukwa cha kugonana kwanga. Chabwino, gulu la anyamata okondana adandikalipila “ndifewetsa” kuchokera mgalimoto yodutsa kamodzi, koma epitaphyo inkawoneka yolimbikitsidwa ndi chikhumbo chofuna kutukwana wina osati kungonena za kugonana kwanga. Ngakhale sindine mwamuna wamphongo kwambiri padziko lonse lapansi, anyamata owongoka kwambiri amakhala ndi ma gaydar owopsa, ndipo sangathe kudziwa molondola za kugonana kwa mnyamata wina, makamaka kuchokera patali mamita mazana awiri. Ngakhale amakonda kutchulana kuti “fag” ndi “homo,” anyamata owongoka nthawi zambiri sakonda kuganiza kuti wina ndi mnzake, mwina chifukwa zitha kutanthauza kuti nawonso akhoza kukhala. Ndinali ndi mnzanga wina wa kukoleji yemwe, nditatuluka kwa iye, anaumirira kuti “nditsimikizire” kwa iye kuti ndine wogonana amuna kapena akazi okhaokha, ngakhale kuti VCR nthawi zonse imayenera kujambula The Golden Girls ndipo ma CD anga adagwira ntchito ya Liza kuyambira pamene chiwombankhanga chinatha. . Ndinamupatsa ntchito yowombera ngati umboni; anakana mwaulemu, koma khama langa linali lokwanira kumutsimikizira kuti ndinali kunena zoona.

Ngakhale kuti mayi anga ankadera nkhawa za ubwino wanga, sizinali zomveka. Sikuti ndizovuta zomwe adayenera kundichenjeza nazo, zomwe zimachotsedwa mosavuta ndikupewa. Ayi, amayi anga akanadziwa bwino, akanandichenjeza za ma gay omwe amadana ndi amuna kapena akazi okhaokha, omwe amayendetsa malo ochezera a pa Intaneti ndi nkhonya ya latex.

Kutuluka mchipindacho kumaphatikizapo zambiri kuposa kungoyang’ana zomwe mumakonda. Zimaphatikizanso kulowanso dziko la machitidwe omwe anali atatayidwa kale pazipata zabwalo lamasewera. Kwa mtundu wina wa gay, kutuluka m’chipindamo ndi chilolezo cha kunyoza, kunyoza, ndi kuzunza popanda chilango. Ndipo si anthu olemetsa, a dazi, ndi/kapena okalamba okha amene amavutika chifukwa cha kuchulukirachulukiraku. Chinachake chaching’ono ngati kuvala ma clogs amunthu a nyengo yatha kumatha kuwononga madzulo onse. Jini la gay limapezeka molumikizana ndi jini ya mtsikana wachinyamata.

Zoonadi, ogonana amuna kapena akazi okhaokha alibe ulamuliro wongoyang’ana chabe. Palibe ndithudi ku America’s Next Top Electrical Engineer, kapena Make Me A Supernerd, ndipo pali chiwerengero chowonjezeka cha Botoxed, retoxed, and detoxed akazi kunja uko omwe sangakhale biodegradable panonso. Koma ogonana amuna kapena akazi okhaokha omwe asintha chilema kukhala matenda.

Ndinadziŵa kuti ndinaloŵa m’gawo losachezeka nthaŵi yoyamba imene ndinapita kumalo ochitira maseŵera ogonana amuna kapena akazi okhaokha. Mwachisawawa, ndinaganiza zopita ndekha, ndikuyembekeza kuti anthu adzakhala aubwenzi ndi kundilandira ndi manja awiri. Monga ngati Cheers gay, popanda kuyatsa koyipa ndi mahogany onse.

“Oh, hey nonse, ndi Yona! Wangotuluka m’chipindamo! Tiyeni timusangalatse!” Panthawi yomwe amandikweza pamapewa awo ndipo mwina kuchita hora, malingana ndi chiŵerengero cha Ayuda kwa amitundu.

Zowona zinali zosiyana pang’ono. Palibe amene anakondwera pamene ndinalowa, panalibe horas pamaso, ndipo aliyense sankadziwa dzina langa kapena kusamala. M’malo mwake ndinapeza gulu la amuna litayima modzimvera chisoni mozungulira malo ovina, kuyang’anizana ndi maonekedwe omwe anali ofanana mbali zokayikitsa, zonyoza, ndi zachiwerewere. Nthawi iliyonse wina akayang’ana munthu wina, munthu woyamba amangoyang’ana kumbali – ayi, sindikufuna, ndimayang’ana mnzako, mukudziwa, wotentha kwambiri. Kunali kuvina kwasukulu ya sekondale, kupatula aliyense anali ndi chakumwa, ndudu, ndi mbolo.

Ndinatsitsa cranberry yanga yoyamba ya vodka mwachangu. Idakoma modabwitsa ngati Robitussin, ndipo ndidadabwa ngati bala ili ndi ogulitsa vodka yemweyo monga CVS. Ndinayitanitsa ina, ndikutsitsanso ija. Sindinali kuyesera kuledzera — kumwa chakumwa pamaso panga kumangondipatsa chinachake choti ndiyang’ane, chifukwa nthawi zonse ndikayang’ana m’mwamba ndinkawona munthu wovala bwino, wovala bwino, kapena wowoneka bwino kuposa ine. Kodi makutu anga anali oloza chonchi nthawi zonse? Kodi diso langa lakumanja ndi lalikulu kuposa lamanzere? Ndi nipple yachitatu? Kodi ndinalolera bwanji kufika pamenepa? Ndinamva kubadwa kwa psychosis yatsopano kubwera pa ine; kudzidzidzimutsa kwa pathological. Kutuluka kumayenera kuchepetsa ndalama zanga zamankhwala, osati mwanjira ina.

Kiranberi chachiwiri cha vodka chinandigunda mwachangu – ndili ndi chikhodzodzo cha munchkin – ndipo ndidasiya chopondapo changa chotetezeka kuti ndipite kuchimbudzi.

Anyamata angapo anayima kutsogolo kwa bafa, akuweruza mosamala aliyense amene amalowa ndi kutuluka. Anandikumbutsa za a Muppets akale omwe amakhala pakhonde ndikuseka zosiyanasiyana zomwe zili pansipa, kupatula kuti anali atavala ma jeans a Dizilo ndi ma t-shirt a madola mazana awiri. Iwo analinso ochepa kwambiri amtundu wa tawuni kuposa anzawo omwe amawamva.

“Hey wamuona matako? Ukuganiza kuti akufunika nsagwada zamoyo kuti amutulutse mgalimoto?”

“Tsitsi limenelo likuwoneka bwino pa galu wanga.”

“Ndawona zingwe zazing’ono zachikondi pa Dom DeLuise.”

Zaka khumi zapitazo, anyamata omwewa anali kuikidwa m’maloko n’kupachikidwa pamitengo. Kuwawona akunyozetsa aliyense amene adadutsa njira yawo, gawo lina la ine ndikukhumba kuti ozunza awo akusekondale akadadutsa ndikupereka lamulo.

Mwamwayi, ndinalowa m’bafa kumbuyo kwa gulu la amuna olemera kwambiri (olemera kwambiri ndi miyezo ya gay, pafupifupi ndi owongoka) omwe adakopa chidwi chawo, ndipo Muppets oipa sanandizindikire. Apa m’pamene ndinazindikira kuti kugwiritsa ntchito zipangizozi kungakhale kovuta kuposa mmene ndinkayembekezera. Chipinda cha amunawo chinali ndi troth yayitali yokhala ndi galasi pamwamba pake yopendekeka pansi, cholinga chake chinali kupatsa ogwiritsa ntchito mwayi wokodza komanso kugula mawindo nthawi yomweyo. Mwamwayi ndinali wokwanira mokwanira pofika nthawi imeneyo kuti sindinazindikire kugwedezeka kwa amuna akundiyang’ana, kapena ndendende, pa izo. Koma sindinali wochenjera kotero kuti ndikhale pafupi ndi mphindi imodzi motalika kuposa momwe ndimafunikira.

Tsoka ilo, ngakhale ndinapulumuka osavulazidwa nditalowa m’bafa, sindinapeze mwayi wotuluka.

“Tikuganiza bwanji za chipewacho?,” kutanthauza chipewa chotsetsereka cha ubweya chomwe ndidavala usiku womwewo kuti makutu anga atenthedwe muusiku wozizira wa Boston. Sindimadziwa kuti chipewa cha madola asanu chingakhalenso mawu a mafashoni.

“Zitha kugwira ntchito, ngati nkhope yake sinali yocheperako.” Palibe amene adanditcha “chunky” kuyambira giredi 9, pomwe ndinali wonenepa pang’ono chifukwa chochulukirachulukira komanso kusachita masewera olimbitsa thupi. Gulu la masewera olimbitsa thupi silinandichepetse thupi, mwina chifukwa ndinali ndisanachite nawo masewera olimbitsa thupi kuyambira pomwe ndinaphunzira kusaina bwino amayi anga. Mwamwayi mphunzitsi wanga wa gym sanali wanzeru kwambiri.

“Kodi munaphwanyidwa ndi chimbalangondo cha polar?,” mphunzitsiyo anafunsa nditamupatsa cholemba chodziwika bwino. “Kodi zimbalangondo za polar sizimakhala ku Arctic?”

“O, ayi. Pakhala pali zimbalangondo za zimbalangondo zowukira ku Long Island posachedwapa. Kutentha kwa dziko koopsa!”

Tsoka ilo, m’chaka chaching’ono, mphunzitsi wanga wamwamuna yemwe sanali wanzeru mowongoka adasinthidwa ndi mtundu wina wanzeru za akazi ogonana amuna kapena akazi okhaokha omwe sanandimvere mokoma mtima pazifukwa zanga zomvetsa chisoni kwambiri ndipo amakayikira kwambiri zomwe ndimalemba.

“Ukudziwa, ndikuganiza ndiwayimbira amayi ako kuti ndione zina mwa zolemba zako,” adandiuza.

“O, chabwino, inde, pitirira,” ndinatero, ndikumuitana kuti ndi wopusa. “Koma musayimbe pambuyo pa 1pm. Ndipamene ali — amatchedwanso chiyani – mankhwala a chemotherapy? Ndipo pambuyo pake nthawi zambiri amasanza usiku wonse, koma ngati ndingayike foni m’khutu mwake akhoza kuyankhula. m’kati mwa mapiri.”

Kupatulapo khansa yongoyerekeza ya amayi anga, ndidaganiza zongoyiyika pachiwopsezo, kusiya njira yowopsa ya ngozi, ndipo m’malo mwake ndidayamba kudwala matenda omwe amandilepheretsa kuchita nawo masewera ena aliwonse ovulaza, ambiri mwa iwo omwe amakhala osasunthika kwa nthawi yayitali. nthawi. Mwamwayi ndinali ndi dokotala wa ana wachifundo kwambiri yemwe adandichirikiza, mwina chifukwa amadziwa kuti makolo anga ndi amisala ndipo nthawi zonse anali masitepe awiri kuyimbira chithandizo choteteza ana.

Ndikayang’ana m’mbuyo, ndikanayenera kuchita nawo makalasi ambiri ochitira masewera olimbitsa thupi. Ndikadakhala ndi khungu lokhuthala.

“Eya, ndiye wovuta,” Muppet # 2 anayankha. Apanso, palibe amene adanditcha “chubby” kuyambira kusekondale, pomwe John Leclark adandiuza kuti ndili ndi “tsitsi lambiri.” Sindikudziwabe kuti izi zikutanthauza chiyani.

“Mutu wake ndi waukulu kwambiri kuposa thupi lake lonse,” adatero, akumwa chakumwa choyera. “Ndikudabwa kuti sakugwedezeka ndi mphepo yolimba.”

“Ndipo mwaziwona nsapatozo? Tinganene zopanda malipiro, kuvutika kwambiri?”

Chabwino, izo zinali izo. Ndikhoza kukhala nditangotuluka kumene m’chipindamo, koma ndinadziwa kuti kutukwanidwa kwa nsapato kunali kofanana ndi kumenya mbama, ndipo ndinafunika kuyankha. Ndinasiya kufa pamaso pawo.

“Ukudziwa kuti ndikukumva eti?” Ndidati kwa Muppet #1. Ndinasankha kulankhula naye chifukwa anali wamng’ono kuposa ine, ndipo ndinaganiza kuti ndikhoza kumutenga ngati zichitika. Ngakhale kuti nthawi imeneyo m’moyo wanga ndinali wopanda mawonekedwe moti Punky Brewster mwina akanatha kundimenya. Koma palibe manyazi pamenepo. Iye anali m’modzi wa akazi opusa.

Izo sizinabwere ku nkhonya. Izo sizinabwere ngakhale ku mawu, kwenikweni. Onse adandiyang’ana kwa mphindi imodzi, kenako Muppet #2 adati:

“Ndiye?”

Ndipo izo zinali zimenezo. Ndinayima pamenepo kwa mphindi ina, ndikulingalira ngati ndingawonjezere vutoli, ndipo ndinaganiza zotsutsana nazo. Pansi pa dengali panali kale mfumukazi zokwanira zosewerera, ndipo imodzi mwina idaposa mphamvu ya nyumbayi.

Koma panali chifukwa chinanso chosiyiratu – sizinali zoyenerera. Nditaimirira patsogolo pawo, sindinamve mkwiyo, koma chisoni. Mu ma t-shirt awo a $200 ndi ma jinzi atatu ang’ono kwambiri, anyamatawa anali atakhala odzikongoletsa okha. Iwo anali akudziyang’ana okha kuti afe, ndipo m’kati mwake, anaiwala malamulo a khalidwe laumunthu. Ndipo chifukwa cha izo, ndinawamvera chisoni. Mwinamwake kuwamvera chisoni kunalidi kubwezera kwakukulu koposa zonse.

Patangopita mphindi zochepa, ndinayang’ana mmwamba kuchokera ku vodka yanga yachitatu ya kiranberi – zakumwa zinali kulawa bwino pakadutsa mphindi iliyonse, chozizwitsa cha mowa – ndipo ndinawawona atayima pamenepo, kupatula tsopano Muppet # 2, wamtali, wokondweretsa kwambiri. m’modzi mwa awiriwa, adapeza bwenzi latsopano, ndipo Muppet #1 adasiyidwa kuti adzisamalira yekha. Chinachake chinandiuza kuti ichi sichinali chatsopano kwa iye. Muppet # 1 anali akuyang’anabe m’chipindamo kuti apeze ozunzidwa, koma tsopano analibe wina woti agawane naye zachisoni chake chachikulu. Mitutu yonse ija, inatha m’mutu mwake.

Apa m’pamene ndinapanga chigamulo, kuti ndisakhalenso wodzionetsera ndekha. Ndinalonjeza usiku umenewo kuti ndidzakhala wachifundo kwa aliyense, mosasamala kanthu za mtundu, fuko, zaka, kulemera – ndinalonjeza kuti ndidzakhala wachifundo kwa iwo omwe ena sangawakhudze ndi mtengo wa mapazi khumi, monga akhate, kapena Republican. Osati chifukwa cha chisoni, koma mgwirizano. Pamodzi titha kubweza usiku kuchokera kwa a Muppets oyipa ndi ofanana nawo. Ndinalonjeza kuti ndidzakhala woyera pa bala iliyonse ya ma gay yomwe ndikanapitako kwa moyo wanga wonse. Ndikachitira munthu aliyense ulemu ndi ulemu womwe ndikuyembekezera kuti azindichitira ine ndekha.

Koma kokha ngati iwo alibe dazi. Ngakhale oyera mtima ali ndi malire.

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