Young Man Sees Old Guy Jerking And Decides To Join How to Bounce Back From Difficult Situations and Thrive

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How to Bounce Back From Difficult Situations and Thrive

How does one bounce back from adversity? Few of us live a lifetime without a disaster. Someone unexpectedly loses their job, a doctor gets a serious illness, or our child starts self-destructive behavior. The first message may sound like it will help us not to worry. When the world seems out of whack, how can we come to terms with our new reality?

Lorna

Meeting Lorna gave me an insight. I stood behind Lorna in the longest line waiting to see Bill Cosby at the local church. Lorna was a thin African-American woman in her mid-fifties. His speech was met with loud laughter. I was instantly attracted to him. When the conductor directed us to our seats, we sat next to each other. After we talked for a few minutes, I asked Lorna, “What do you do?”

“I do anger management shows for middle school and high school kids.” My ears tingled. We liked the same thing. “Really?” I am also a teacher, and I like to hold meetings and give speeches. How did you get started?” I asked.

Lorna pulled an 8″ x 10″ photo of two boys from her purse. He spoke slowly while pointing. “This is my son, JJ is my son Edward.” Their confident smiles resembled their mother’s, I thought.

“Beautiful boys,” I said.

Lorna’s voice broke as her two long fingers caressed the image. He grabbed JJ first.

“Three years ago JJ was killed in a shooting spree. Until now his killer has not been caught. Then three months later Edward was shot and killed during a carjacking.” We were silent for a long time.

Our eyes filled with tears as we looked at each other. Wow, I thought. I am twenty-two years old and have an eighteen-year-old son. I couldn’t imagine life without them. Calmly, I asked her, “Lorna, what did you do with the back problems without losing your mind?”

“Well my son, I got so close, at first I was just numb. How could both the boys? I raised them alone. We were very close.

At one point, I thought about revenge. But that didn’t ease the pain. Thinking day and night about my boys almost wore me out. I knew I had to do something. I joined a support group for parents who lost their children. After a while, I realized that I am not alone. I felt supported and understood.

I know I will never be the same again. But I realized that I had to do something to stop this loss. Where I live, you hear gunshots almost every day. The youth of our community are very angry. So, I decided to do something about the source of all the violence—anger. I started a foundation to teach young people how to deal with anger in a constructive way.”

Lorna took my hand. “Helping these angry young people was the only way I could find peace. I’ve probably talked to hundreds of them. The amazing thing is, these kids have sad stories to tell. Some are in foster homes, some are abused, abandoned. Heartbroken kids who don’t know. to control their anger they can do bad things like killing someone.

Looking at Lorna’s story, we can learn to be brave in the face of tragedy. There are four important things.

Time

Adapting to a new reality takes time. Change is difficult even if it is rewarding. It is very stressful when it is dangerous. Avoid believing unrealistic expectations such as, “I must be strong and carry on.” Respect your healing time. While you are recovering, seek help. Can someone take you to the cleaners, babysit or clean your house? Friends and family want to help but often don’t know how to help. Show your compassion by acknowledging your pain and suffering as you slowly return to your life.

Get Help

When problems arise, many of us find it difficult to let go of trust in our relationships. However, sharing our feelings with trusted friends helps us to heal. An overwhelming emotional burden is lightened when we have compassionate ears to listen to our pain.

Find a support group that addresses your problem. Only the other parents of the children who were killed would feel sorry for Lorna’s loss. At such meetings, members share tips that help others overcome similar challenges. If grief is overwhelming, consider seeing a therapist who specializes in grief counseling. A medical professional can help you stay calm, and support your recovery.

Forgiveness: The Secret to Healing

One of the hardest things to do is to forgive the wrongdoer, and sometimes even yourself. It is a timeless process. It is a difficult task, but very important in our life. I remember a preacher saying, “the bitterness is the poison we drink, we expect the guilty to die!”

Scientists have written countless times about the deadly nature of unforgiveness. Autoimmune diseases, such as Lupus, cancer, hypertension and depression are associated with anger and unresolved issues of unforgiveness.

So what is forgiveness? It is letting go of the judgment we may feel towards the offender, our situation or ourselves. Hatred of nursing only tortures us. We are often interested in what we have lost and in giving back. This was a very difficult life!

But forgiveness does not mean condoning wrongdoing. Nor does it mean suffering. If it is right, it demands justice. For example, a woman may need to separate from an abusive husband; He may need to get a restraining order, and tell her to get help for a set period of time before even thinking about reconciliation.

Hurtful behavior can be forgiven but not tolerated.

Also, sometimes we blame ourselves when we face problems. Blaming yourself doesn’t help even if you’re a part of the problem. Instead, study the lesson in the article. How can you improve your behavior and attitude to avoid this danger in the future? Education helps prevent future problems. Forgive yourself but be a wise student of life.

Help Others

As Lorna begins to recover, she realizes that there is a lot of gang violence in her community. He said: “When my sons were killed, I suddenly woke up!” I knew that I had to do something so that other parents would not feel the pain that I had.

Good practice helps shift our focus to the bigger picture. Lorna used her tragedy to help hundreds of children learn about anger management. Can meaning come from tragedy? You bet.

These four practices will help restore peace in the midst of any personal storm. What can you do to avoid this danger? By being patient with yourself and honoring your recovery process, by seeking professional and emotional support, and by submitting to the practice of forgiveness, your recovery will be assured. Most importantly, helping others through similar tragedies gives meaning and purpose to your struggles. We cannot know what will happen to us in life, but we can choose what we can do to deal with it. Choose success in the midst of adversity.

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