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LGBT Clergy, Ordained Ministry, Gay Marriage and Me

It is an exciting time for me, a gay Christian, and a married New Yorker, to prepare for my ordination. I have been serving in ministry at The Potter’s House Church of the Living God in Brooklyn for many years now – singing, leading praise and worship, playing the organ, directing the choir, maintaining the website and most recently, teaching the Bible and preaching. It may sound like a lot, but it doesn’t when you’re doing what you love. All I have to do is perform the wedding ceremony. But it looks like that might be a prominent part of my job description since Gay marriage has been legalized in New York around the time my ordination is about to be legalized.

I grew up in a church where women were rarely allowed to set foot in the pulpit, let alone preach. We wore long skirts, long hair, no make-up, trousers and open shoes. I didn’t know I was a gay woman. I didn’t know I had any kind of sex at that time because sex before marriage was one way to hell. So as a young girl and a virgin, sex was an evil beast always lurking with the weapon of uncontrollable passion capable of polluting and killing all hope of God’s favor through temporary pleasure. So I avoided it like the plague. And I found it easy to do so since my hidden sexuality made it easy for me to see that men’s attractions would not please me. Older men wanted to marry me (they thought I was 30 when I was 15 – that’s what long skirts and no makeup will do to you). But I was determined to follow the rules. So I waited for that “special person” to arrive for whom I will cook, clean and pick up the kids for the basketball team.

Then I got married. For a woman. I was 18 years old when I met him sixteen years ago. We were the last two women in the gay club I joined to explore my potential for “strange interests.” At that time I had already left the church but I had not left God. For some reason, in spite of all my efforts to be considered “unholy,” the same God who spoke through me in the tongues of angels, calmed all my youthful anger and caught me “before I came out,” continued to do all those “coming out” things. .” So I followed my God with my heart and married a woman who is now my partner in ministry and life. We got married first in my church, then in 2010 in DC so that we could take pictures outside the White House and sign our certificate and file for a state-approved marriage. Will we get married a third time in New York since it’s legal in our country? I don’t know yet. But if I can get another ring in the engagement, chances are I’ll make sure it happens.

In the meantime, there are other weddings to perform; some work that needs to be done. In a culture that confuses the ideas of God, disappointed by the inability of the Christian faith to have its own ideas or disgusted by the judgmental ideas of the followers of the faith, the first step is to do the work of a slave. To claim that I was called by God and to have gifts that will undoubtedly help a person to understand his life and God’s role in it, I take a shirt that has been around for more than 2,000 years. As a minister of “age of birth” in the age of legal marriage, I am grateful for the work of the liberal and determined clergy who led me and made this success possible. However, I hope that one day I will not be seen as a “gay minister” who can perform “gay weddings.” I pray that I will be the only child of God worthy to help in this special time when two will become one and life, as a result, will be very rich.

But until then, one of the most important things I can do to help make our marriages legal is to help keep our marriages strong. My biggest fear is that a run to church and city hall will be quickly followed by a run to the courts. Many conservatives fear that our weddings will destroy the sanctity of the ceremony. My hope is that any vows LGBT couples make in New York will put another nail in the coffin of that myth. I want our marriages to be examples of love and commitment – thoughtful covenants between people and God. Because God knows, “it is not good for man to be alone.”

So, challenge this new minister who has been married to the same person twice and has been married for almost a decade to give some quick advice to the soon-to-be-married couple:

Marriage should not be entered into until you are sure that you can deal with all the behaviors about your partner that you know you cannot change. If you can’t learn to love those things – you don’t love the whole person.

Make sure you and your partner don’t trip over your old stuff. Ask your religious leaders and get advice.

Don’t look for someone to love you if you haven’t learned to love yourself – you might end up attracting an abusive person.

Make sure you both understand what you want from the relationship and where you want it to go. If you want five children and your partner doesn’t – this will be great!

Finally, you need the best, and the best is out there. Don’t settle for less.

Self-sacrifice is something that our God takes very seriously. He never left me, even when I changed from long skirts to pants and from pews to pulpit service. When you give your life to Christ, you will be in a relationship with Him forever. God does not expect his children to marry themselves or to marry someone out of spite and then abandon them. The two become “one flesh.” “What God has bound together, let no man put asunder.” The world is watching – so let’s do it right!

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