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How to Convince Your Parents of Your Intercaste Love
This is a problem that is probably as old as time. Older children do not choose their parents as their partners. Shakespeare he made it immortal inside Romeo and Juliet. A central theme in the Broadway musical, Fiddler on the Roof, and the current TV drama, Downton AB, is the struggle of the first generation to accept the choices of your older children. I know, a nyandrathal woman had an argument over her choice of a Crowmon boy with his father. (“Dad: he’s really smart and he’s so tall!”) But while it may be a perennial and common homecoming story, it’s painful. Here are a few examples from our “Ask the Doctor” service:
In Boston, a 25-year-old man said: “I was caught between my mother and my wife.” – “My Chinese mother expects my wife to listen to her and when her mother-in-law does, she waits. My wife works all day and she doesn’t see why my mother can’t start eating or when she leaves, why does she help her, my mother always complains, my wife is crying, what should I do?
The boy in Florida he wrote: “My wife is Latina and I am white.” Every time we go, my father goes ahead with the issue of illegal immigration, my mother will not stop him. When we go home we fight because they tell me to stop but I don’t know anything. which I can say they have changed. Help!
“My lover and I want to get married but we are from different races and we know our parents will not agree. We have been secretly seeing each other for 4 years.” – A guy in Serbia From a woman
Like these letter writers, you are in love, you are in love. Like them, you want your parents to love and admire the person you have chosen. In fact, they cannot see behind their traditions, values âï¿½ï¿½âï¿½ï¿½ or prejudice. They don’t see your boyfriend or husband for the wonderful person he is. They’re all wrong – with a capital W. You feel caught between them. You love and, yes, respect your parents and love and appreciate your partner.
It is important to unite the divisions. If you are the person you love, it is not clear about your commitment and your cooperation, what you are willing to be together, constant rejection, whether it is on the top or the seat on the floor can weaken your relationship. and. The child of parents who refuse is caught in a dangerous dam. Listening and responding to each side, leaving the other side, feeling ignored or mocked. A person who is on the cusp of unpopularity may feel constant or pressured to prove themselves worthy. If they don’t want to, those efforts will soon be frustrated by the anger that spreads in the relationship.
Fortunately, there’s a much more subtle way of doing things than the romance in Romeo and Juliet. Like Robert in Fidler, Tevye or Downton Abbey, there are parents who finally accept the choices of their older children and even bless them. But it depends on work and desire. It doesn’t happen by magic or logic.
Don’s and Dos to bridge the gap:
Do not face criticism and opposition. The values, traditions and attitudes of your parents have helped to shape you into who you are. They probably lead the light for generations and are the center of your family’s identity. Keeping your family history is not true or useful. be very kind. Older people follow their thoughts and feelings because it helps them stay safe in a changing world. Their intentions are probably good. Find ways to reassure your family that you appreciate and respect your past while also being a part of the world where people from other walks of life are involved.
Don’t meet the parents’ resistance and protection and emotions. Being protected means that there is something to save. Arguing means arguing with you. Address their concerns politely and clearly. Accept that interracial marriage is difficult. Express your sadness that they are feeling the way they are feeling. Show them your love and respect for their opinion but make sure you have made your decision. Peace is more effective than angry words.
Don’t make your relationship a secret. Keeping it a secret shows that you are ashamed of your decision. Someone will inevitably find out, so everyone in the family will be disappointed and disappointed. Make sure you both agree on the deal to stay together. Make sure you are sure. There’s nothing wrong with dealing with your parents and things that aren’t final.
Don’t use your partner to teach your partner, teach your parents, or make friends. It is not appropriate for someone who wants to use you as a wing in your ongoing battle over things like religion, caste or status with your parents.
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