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Hey, Can We Talk? Some Tips For the First Date
So, it’s finally done. You have asked the man/woman of your dreams to have a relationship. He said, “Sure why?” and you are sitting facing him, sure that you are answering that question. You can’t think of anything to talk about, except the weather and local sports and the bar scene, and now you’re just staring at each other, trying to find something to fill the silence. Here are some basic tips.
Don’t lose the season as a topic just yet. It’s a good lesson because we all have it, and if it’s extreme it’s a great ice breaker. Of course, you can start with “you can fry eggs on the side of the road” or “the coldest is behind the well,” and even if there is agreement, the conversation will end there.
What do you like to do when it’s really hot or cold? Do you enjoy swimming, surfing, surfing, boating, canoeing, water skiing, picnicking, hiking, sunbathing, camping, gardening or sitting at your hiney with your keyboard and talking about the weather? “I like swimming when it’s this hot, don’t you?” “Have you ever had fun with a bear that stole your food?” The idea is to have a few stories to prepare for the summer work and your interests, and your date should have some of his/hers.
Winter, Fall and Spring also have many things to discuss. Talk about Halloween, Labor Day, Christmas, or Thanksgiving. Name the sport of ice skating, sledding or snowshoeing. Talk about the worst storm you’ve ever seen. Have you ever been in a hurricane or tornado? In short, there are many life experiences that people share. We all have seasons, and if you’re not a good topic on your own, it can provide plenty of context to get the conversation going.
Local events also help people to talk. What buildings are being demolished or built in your town? Is the bridge being replaced or repaired? Could potholes in nearby roads swallow your car? Has your mayor or city council been in the news? Again, you’re just trying to establish common ground. You all use roads, cross a bridge, or have an opinion on whether an old building should be demolished or a new one should be built. You both shop at local stores, eat at local restaurants and visit the same parks and museums. If one of you is new to the area, giving or getting information about the town should give you something to talk about.
What about food? We all have to eat. What kind of food do you like? Do you like to cook? Have you had a cooking triumph or disaster to share? Chances are your date has a few of his/her kitchen gifts, and would be happy to talk about them.
Do you like movies? Have you just read a good book or watched a good TV show? Have you been to any other interesting places? Are you planning a vacation to a foreign country? Ask your date to describe the place / he has found interest, and you may find that you will not need another lesson for the whole night.
Pet stories are always interesting. Well, they may not be great when they’re happening, but they can be funny on repeat. I’ve gotten a lot of mileage from the time my dog handler ate three donuts off the law school dean’s desk. Surely your dog, cat, horse, ferret, snake or bird has done something funny that you can tell your date with the hope of getting a good story in return.
At the beginning of any relationship, you are just trying to establish enough facts to learn about each other. The first date is not the time to talk about your ex, your medical problems or your political or religious beliefs. You don’t want to come on too strong and scare your date. In the end, when you and he are done talking, it’s better to talk about what kind of person your brother is or how to teach your boss to deep dive without scuba gear.
However, for the first few hours, you want it to be light and fun. Don’t tell all kinds of jokes or talk bad about others. Don’t criticize the way others dress or feel. You may be insulting your date without realizing it. Just relax, start with a casual conversation, and you’ll find that your conversation will grow into deeper and deeper conversations.
Take your time. In the end, you will know if you and him are “meant to be” or if you will be better off not knowing each other.
Copyright (c) 2009 Lucille Utermohlen
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