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What Would You Do If You Were Stranded on an Island?
There are many shows whose plots revolve around the idea of being stranded on a desert island. Without thinking about it, you might think of Gilligan’s Island, Survivor, and Lost.
Now, I don’t really get any of those shows. Gilligan’s Island, although it started the old Ginger vs. Mary Ann conflict, was so stupid on so many levels that entire books could be written. What compelled a millionaire and his wife to make a three-hour trip on a cheap Minnow, when they clearly said they had at least four boats? Why did he bring so many clothes? Why was Ginger on the boat, and why was she wearing an evening dress? Where did Mary Ann get the pie plates for the many coconut pies (and who provided the cream?) that she baked, and where did the Nameless Professor get his Bunsen burners?
And why did the Minnow crew ignore the weather report?
Survivor also leaves me cold. I know there are people who just love this show, and if you tell me what you love, maybe I can understand. There is always a qualified old man who can handle any challenge that may arise, either because of his advanced education or years of military service. There is always a shy and inappropriate woman who rises to the top of the heap by walking around like a tube top and dirty curves. I know it’s a game, but who would have imagined the ridiculous and often terrifying challenges these people needed to complete? I saw an event where the contestants were hit by a giant medicine ball while trying to push up a hill and another where people who couldn’t swim were forced to swim underwater with obstacles.
Backbiting and fights are fun to watch for a short while, although to be honest, the show is a lot less fun when the most deserving or annoying contestant is voted off the island.
As for Lost, I watched it with the rest of the world for the first season, but now it’s just amazing. Remember Twin Peaks back then? That’s how it is. Too many steps are not clear enough for a person living outside of a Sony plasma to follow – when the going gets tough, it’s time to say ‘no.’ This show, like all the other shows on the island, has its fair share of scantily clad ladies with machetes, but really, I’m rooting for them to be saved. The truth is I don’t want to be around any of them.
I think, when I watch these shows, about the kinds of things I would want to have on an island if I were broke. Similar items – and especially the Zippo lighter – would be at the top of my list. Warm weather clothes, winter clothes, make-up clothes, a sleeping bag, a tent – or a yurt – can be in my bag. Aspirin, antibiotic cream, canned goods to feed an army – these are just some of the obvious, right?
However, if I somehow lost my wits and what I was wearing, I hope I have a watch – I can use the crystal to attract light and start a fire with twigs and sticks. A belt with a good belt can be useful both as a tool – I can beat a chicken into submission with it – and as a tool to hold things together. My tie could catch fish and tie things, and my socks filtered water.
The one thing I always wear, however, that would make me perfect, in Darwin’s sense, are my ever-present cufflinks. I may be lucky enough to have my compass cufflinks, which will help me travel, or my cufflinks, which will help me build a strong house, a castle or even a boat to get off the island.
Even if I had my monogrammed silver circles, I would have the opportunity to have a mirror to start a fire and the back of a T that could be used to clean fish or open things.
And think about Mr. Howell. He must have been the most crippled of the castaways on Gilligan’s Island, but they respected him. You’d think it was because of his money, but there was no money on the island – there wasn’t even a Starbucks. Conclusion: Being a well-dressed outcast has its advantages.
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