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Divorce Drama – Rewriting Your Divorce Story

To turn the pain of divorce into life wisdom, we need to understand our own divorce drama. One of the best resources I recommend in this regard is Debbie Ford’s powerful book, Spiritual Divorce: Divorce as a Tool for an Extraordinary Life. This method is simple, intuitive and very powerful. Things happen in our life and we feel that these events are important to understand. So we start writing the notes, or our relationship “story” is born.

We often start our shows as young children. For example, a little girl whose father is always on the go and breaks his promise to attend her ballet class. The script and plot of “Men don’t show me” are rewritten. This happens on a subconscious level. So a lifelong call goes out looking for men to do the part again, again and again. The plot is played with new characters, or the same old characters in new ways, with you in the starring role. All the while a 6-year-old girl in a tutu and ballet slippers sits in the director’s chair.

To some extent our stories provide protection and information. Yet they become limitations and keep us to the smallest limits of what is possible in our lives. Some people are very attached to their stories and are reluctant to let them go. By recognizing our divorce drama, we can begin to write new stories. Instead of our movie being a melodrama, we can turn it into a thriller, or a heartfelt comedy or a love story. Here are some ways to get rid of your divorce drama.

1. Read the Script

Stop and recognize the story of your relationship. Who have you made as a villain and a victim? What did you share as inspiration for this story? Write the transitions of your plot in your notes so that you can better differentiate your story. Knowing your story will help you make sure it doesn’t become your turning point. Divorce Spirituality has great practices to help you do this.

2. Take a Meeting

Take a big step out of your divorce drama. Realize that we are all creators of our own reality. On a spiritual level, we signed up for this project. It is a reconciliation between us and those we had before.

To find wisdom in the drama of life, my mentor, Barbara De Angelis, advises that “If I ordered this, what would I think?” Ask yourself who is above you, what lesson do you want to receive from this? Take the time to ask, and the gentle voice of your inner wisdom will begin to answer.

3. Rethink Your Leader

Who is directing your video right now? Is it a little 8-year-old boy or an angry 5-year-old girl who failed? If so, it’s time to remove them from the director’s chair and assign another role instead. To be free from the divorce drama, your guide must be an adult who is ready and willing to create a life worth living.

4. Review Your Video

You can use your divorce drama as an excuse or as motivation. The next step is to review your video. Can you give a thumbs up? Is it one you’d like to see over and over again? Often times, people who are stuck in their own stories use it as an excuse to blame others, remain the victim, or play small.

Does your story bring out anger in you? Great! Use it to tap into your passions and take action to break the cycle, or release what isn’t serving you? The bottom line is every day we write a new script. It can distract us from the past, or it can inspire us to a new future. The choice is yours.

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