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Business Busters and Loyalty Losers Do Nothing to Improve Customer Experience
My friend flew with her two-year-old son on a four-and-a-half-hour flight. Three hours into the flight, the boy was scared and screaming. My friend asked the housekeeper if there was a coloring book or a toy for children.
The building manager went to check and came back with this answer: “Yes, we have equipment for small children.”
“Give me some, please?” my friend asked.
“Sorry,” she replied, “the baby supplies are for a five-hour flight.”
The new manager’s name? Customer Alienator. They don’t know how to serve customers!
When my daughter Brighten was eight years old we were shopping together in a fancy dress store. The shirts and pants shown were the right size and the right color for him.
A sales girl approached, looked at my daughter and quickly asked, “How old is she?”
I was surprised by his harsh words and answered defensively, “Why do you want to know?”
He repeated his question. “How old is he?”
“What difference does it make?” I asked, trembling.
“We only have clothes up to six years old,” she replied with a low voice, ruining any chance to direct the customers.
Since when does a customer’s age make more sense than what to wear?
This seller’s new title? Business Buster. He has destroyed every opportunity to improve customer service.
Popular fast food restaurants offer “Youth Discount Cards” to attract more customers from 2:30 to 6:00 pm (low time between lunch and dinner).
One day a young customer entered a long and slow-moving line at 5:50 in the evening, patiently waiting for his turn, hoping to use his card to verify customer information. But when he got to the counter it was 6:05 pm The manager said his discount card was no longer valid.
The young man (and his friend) went out and entered the restaurant next door.
The manager’s new title? Vaporizer price. They created every opportunity to improve customer satisfaction and sales!
India’s Vineet wrote about a coffee shop that offered free hot drinks when customers filled up with “frequent customers,” but didn’t offer cold coffee drinks to keep customers informed. This continued until a new employee told the manager that adding ice would not increase prices – but would increase customer satisfaction and improve customer service.
Someone put some ice cubes down the manager’s pants to teach him how to serve customers! And when they are awake, teach them this important lesson: Cutting costs should be the last thing on your mind when rewarding your loyal customers, who you want to keep coming back. Generous exits match the benefits that come in and help customers learn more.
The manager’s new title? Loyalty Loser.
Clancey in Dubai took her son Denis to an ice cream parlor for dessert. When his son pulled into the parking lot the ice cream fell out of his cone – plop! – above. The boy started to cry.
Clancey went back into the store and told the clerk what happened. The clerk took a new cone, packed it into a new ice cream bowl, then turned it upside down and handed it to Clancey. With a stern look and a stern voice he said, “Our ice cream doesn’t fall out of the cone.”
Someone put ice cream down the clerk’s pants! And when they are awake, teach them this important lesson: Don’t make your client feel guilty, stupid or untrustworthy. This will not only improve customer experience, it can lose you the customer forever along with everyone they know!
This clerk’s new title? Fun Eliminator.
Instead, with a smile on your face say excitedly, “Here’s a new condom for you. I put it on extra tight this time – to make sure you and your baby will enjoy every lick. And thanks for coming back. . See you soon!”
My friend sent his inkjet printer to the manufacturer for repair. The mid-career sent him an email with an estimate and asked him to print, sign and fax it back to approve the charges for the job before processing.
How can my friend print the email when the service center already has its own printer?
The new title of this expert: Absurdity Agent. His lack of intelligence did not help the customer experience!
My neighbor prefers white chicken eggs to brown, but it was difficult to find them in our store. He didn’t see them for a few weeks, he asked the boss why.
He replied: “White eggs were being sold so quickly that we had trouble keeping them. So we stopped carrying them.
A new topic for this manager who doesn’t seem to understand how to improve customer experience: Marketing Mistake.
Two best friends enjoyed a luxury cruise. The cruise line worked hard to transform the holiday experience for everyone on board to improve the customer experience. Pre-trip telephones identify the traveler’s likes and dislikes, hopes, dreams and concerns for the upcoming trip.
While on the train, the staff memorized each person’s name to help customers know more. Personal preferences are strongly documented and are used to develop intimate relationships every day.
On the final morning, questionnaires were slipped under the door of my friends’ cabin asking for answers and suggestions for improvement. The first three questions on the form were:
All cruises dedicated to excellence, personal service, and a single, consistent look ultimately remind guests that they are not truly unique. Not a good way to convert customers!
A new theme for the researcher: Anonymity Enhancer.
I visited a coffee shop where the staff were apologetic but unwilling to give me free coffee drinks even though the “Lots of Customers Card” was full. (Their “special promotion” ended a day earlier, when it took me two weeks to fill the card from ten paid drinks.)
The front staff said they would be happy to give me the drink, but “management” told them not to.
I was so disappointed by the lack of generosity and forward momentum that I avoided the brand for months. They didn’t improve the customer service, so I didn’t go back for a long time.
Notes on the nutritional value of coffee beans:
1. Cost of one free drink = 1 bucks in beans, paper cup and hot water.
2. Lost business profit from one unhappy coffee drinker = many dollars.
I shared this with many of my friends (disappointed customers often do). Someone told me how happy he was when “someone with brains” offered him a free drink to improve customer service even though the job was over. Another said he got a free drink and was given a cookie, too! Both have promised to maintain their sites for months to come in an effort to improve customer service.
Notes on the nutritional value of coffee beans:
1. Cost of giving away one free cookie = less than one dollar.
2. The need for repeat business from happy coffee drinkers = endless.
3. Importance of good word of mouth = you can’t buy such reliable and powerful promotion.
If the goal of marketing is to encourage repeat business, why have an expiration date? Who cares when customers buy their drinks, as long as they keep buying and drinking and drinking and buying?
A new name for the old coffee bean calculator: Profit Reduction Specialists. They obviously have no idea how to improve customer experience.
Key learning points
Every business has policies, procedures, products, packaging, prices, locations and promotions. But people have the biggest secret to customer service, loyalty and happiness.
One smart cake wins the entire office building to improve the customer experience. Give your customers a positive experience, not a hassle. They will come back and pay you.
The next time your customer is faced with the stupidity of a policy that doesn’t make sense, or the stupidity of a policy that doesn’t work, be the person who can and take action to improve the customer.
Speak up! Stand out! Encourage your customers. Be creative in your business to improve customer experience. Be the one to stir the pot. Remember, your company’s pot (not the policy book) fills your plate every morning.
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