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My Spouse Filed For Divorce – How Can We Reconcile Before It’s Too Late?
I often hear from couples who want to save their marriages before the divorce is final. In many cases, the last thing they want is for their husband or wife to divorce. And often, they are willing to try anything to stop, stop, or delay the divorce. They want to buy time to save the marriage before it is too late.
I recently heard from a woman who said, among other things: “My husband got divorced last month. This has hurt me a lot. I don’t want to end my marriage. I still love him. I don’t want to be broken. but he is still going ahead with the divorce even though I asked him to agree with me about marriage and to give us a chance, he rejects me and doesn’t listen to me, what can I do to help reconcile before it’s too late? He doesn’t look motivated, but I think I’m motivated enough for all of us.”
Before I told him anything, I needed to know what he had been trying to do that had not worked. He tried to remind her how they used to live together and sent her messages showing that he did not want a divorce. He started calling her and texting her wildly, leaving notes in her car, trying to sexually attract her, making promises and making promises that they all know she keeps repeating. In short, she was trying to do everything she could to show that the man would love her again and that the family would come back together.
However, none of these things went well. The man had stopped answering his calls. She suspected that he was deleting his text messages without reading them. And, he was avoiding her a lot this time. In my opinion, this cycle is very common. The more the motivated spouse tries to convince the other that he or she does not really want a divorce, the more he or she bows down to take action. And when the worst things happen, the more the husband or wife who has been divorced wants everything to be over as soon as possible.
Your Husband or Wife Most Likely Already Knows You Don’t Want a Divorce. What They Don’t Know Is If Things Will Change And Get Better: Here’s something I’ve noticed. People often emphasize things that their partner already knows. I was guilty of this too. I think we do this because we think they are not listening. So we feel that we have to speak loudly and impressively to get our point across. Therefore, we speak with interest and enthusiasm. We repeat ourselves. We think if we just keep talking or writing, then hopefully, eventually, they will start listening.
But the truth is, they probably already know what you’re trying to tell them over and over again. They already know that you don’t want a divorce and they probably also understand the negative consequences of divorce. And sometimes, your spouse starts to see all these efforts as repetitive and disrespectful. So, if you’re trying to drive this point home, you probably shouldn’t.
But what can help is to show your partner that their opinion may be wrong in some areas. For example, they may think that your relationship is impossible. They make you think that the bad things that have happened to you cannot change or change. They may think that their lives would be healthy and happy without you. These are the points that you should consider and focus on.
Getting Out of Desperation When You’re Trying to Save Your Marriage Before a Divorce Is Final: I often advise people to do their best to monitor their actions to see if they come across as desperate. This can be difficult to accept. But, it is important because despair is not beautiful and it does not improve your situation. I know very well that a woman in such a situation is hoping for a miracle plan that will make her husband see the light and ask for a close and heartfelt reconciliation.
However, the things he was doing to encourage her were driving her away. They are made to suspect that every time they are together, they can expect big events and speeches. Therefore, he limited his interactions with his wife and put up his own defensive walls. And if this continued, it would not be possible for him to listen to his wife.
So, the first order of business should be put in place so that the man doesn’t get defensive every time he sees her coming. He can sit her down and tell her that even though she still doesn’t want the divorce to be over and she still hopes for you to get back together, she was not comfortable with her past behavior and is going back. It would be a good idea to emphasize that, deep down, what he really wanted was not to lose his friendship and their friendship.
This will allow him to know that, in the future, he no longer needs to worry about his behavior interfering with this. This understanding means less conflict and that she can finally get back to her husband. Because they could not reconcile if he was reluctant and defensive all the time when they were interacting.
Managing Reconciliation by Focusing on the Good Instead of the Bad: Many people who are in this situation fear that they have to solve all their marital problems very quickly before the divorce is finalized. This is not true. Not only that, but the idea of ”working through” all of your painful issues may not seem attractive to a spouse seeking a divorce.
It is my opinion and experience that you will usually have more success if you minimize these problems – at least for now. You want to give them what they expect and you want them to move on to new, better solutions. This is not a new concept and it is based on human nature, but most of us do not understand or integrate these principles. I didn’t understand this and I started to change my way when I started to see my husband change his mind.
Remember that you don’t want to act or appear desperate. So, while it may be very tempting to go home in your old sweats and play your old sad love songs, don’t. (Or don’t let your husband or wife know about it.) Whenever you interact with them, you want to appear happy, positive, and busy. And, you want to lower the amount of pressure and desperation on the floor. This sometimes means regular baby steps. This may mean coffee rather than dinner or a pleasant conversation before pushing more. You have to crawl before you walk sometimes. And, this is often the case.
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