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Overseas – When You Can’t Take Us With You
So you’ve booked your tickets to attend the 2012 Summer Olympics in London. Guess what? You are disappointed. They are finished. Jet flights are non-refundable. No one can buy on eBay. You already have vacation time approved by your employer. Man, are you an idiot?
Since you’re about to take a trip to the land of the Beatles, you’ll be seeing the sights – like hitting up any of the pubs near your hotel, The Goring at Beeston Place. You have already pressed the stupid button by thinking that Britain has the same climate as Australia (true mistake – no). You don’t want to look like a total idiot when you can’t find Fast Eddies in Trafalgar Square. When you’re forced to visit some of Europe’s low-end pubs, you have to be quick about the difference between a London pub and one in the ol’ USA.
Tally ho, cheers. A pub is a short form of a place called a “public house.” It serves as a gathering place for all the neighbors. Think “Cheers,” where everyone knows your name. The person who has it has a group of different monikers. Landlord, receiver, governor (or more properly called “Guv’nor”) of taxation.
Get me a pint
Forget sitting at a table and having someone wait on you. As a patron, you order and pay at the bar, then take your drinks home. Let the bartender know you’re ready to order by holding a bill in your hand. Credit cards? It is not possible. Get your pounds at an ATM or in your wallet.
Did you make friends? Usually one or two people rush to the bar to buy the whole table. If you’re hungry for bangers or fish and chips, pay at the bar and the waiter will deliver. When you decide to go to a new place, leave all your tools on the table. The staff will take care of it.
You don’t have to buy anything and alcohol from the pub. Get a coffee or Granini. Mixed drinks? The idea of ordering a daiquiri or margarita is gone. You just have vodka, rum, whiskey or gin and water or a mixer. Beer is the best bet. Ask the bartender about the strength of the beer if you want to get hammered before you eat Price Harry.
A lager, bitter, stout or ale comes in a full pint unless you specify that you want a half pint. To wit, a British pint is £20. And the price of hard stuff will be the same from pub-to-pub. It is a law.
You Call That Beer?
It won’t be as cold as in America. Another thing even if you order Bud; it will appeal to Brit taste. This means that it will be slightly different on your tongue. One to try is Newcastle. It is mild when it comes to alcohol.
Thanks for the Work
You will no longer need to borrow from the pub. However if you are drinking at a restaurant, 10% is acceptable. 15 percent is royalty. You can give him a drink. Never say “Can I buy you a drink?” It will make them feel like it’s a pity story. Instead use phrases like: “Can I get you a drink?” or “…how about you alone?” They will probably just charge you an extra penny, and put it at the end of their shift. But you don’t have to wait. There are no laws against giving back a little while at work – rightfully so.
Communicating with Youth
Chatting is not prohibited. Extending a handshake and announcing, “Hey Buddy, I’m (your name) from (your country, state or town)” makes you look like a tool. You’re already starting to think that the 2012 Olympics are just around the corner. Don’t be an extra rube. Don’t invite yourself to the table. At the bar, just sit back and wait for your chance to enter the conversation. First, talk about beer, a place you’ve just been to or an old stand-up – the weather.
Conflicts may arise. Friendly conversations. You are not Rush Limbaugh. You are a government official. Respect the opinions of others. Don’t be mean or rude. English people won’t punch you in the jaw in the pub. He waits until you are outside before hitting you in the head.
If someone wants to buy you a pint, be happy. The next step is up to you.
He closed shop early in Londontown. Like 11 PM on weekdays and Saturdays. On Sunday, it’s half an hour earlier. When you hear the Guv’nor ring the bell once, it means you have to make your last order. The second bell means that the bar will not serve any more drinks. There is this thing called “drinking time.” This means you have 20 minutes to slow down what’s in front of you.
Sure, you missed the curling competition at the Summer Olympics, but don’t worry. Curling is only played during the Winter.
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