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Settling – What on Earth is That?
It is a word that people have created because of the phenomenon that a woman who previously had certain qualities to be with her lifelong partner marries a man who fails to reach that standard. The good news is that, most of the time, they feel they have found love; he is happy and content, or seems to be. Who defines it as stable then? FRIENDS!
But the question is: Is this person really settling down or just growing up to decide what is important in life and make an important decision in life based on a new awareness of what is important? In most cases, the only person who knows if they are settling or not is the woman in question!
There is no doubt that some women settle down when they marry other men. For example, if a lawyer is married to an uneducated man, has no job or job and lives with his mother, we can say with certainty that he is settled. Maybe she got tired of being alone and decided that all she needed was a “warm body in her bed” (a description often used by my best friend!) She might even be cute! Some women also do this to gain control. If you are a controlling person and have not taken the time to understand the relationship between a man and a woman, you will have a problem with the word submission in the Bible and you will want to have a man who you can clearly control- financially and otherwise.
I’m leaving. As I said about stability, any woman who marries someone who is not a perfect picture of what she dreams or talks about for the rest of her life is not stable. Let me explain. As you grow and develop, your thoughts change, your needs change, your wants change. You begin to decide what is real and what is not. You begin to see the difference between the things that can affect your life and this person in terms of things that are temporary and superficial but will not add or take away from your life. Then you think you can compromise on some of the previous levels.
This topic however is a constant bone of contention between married and single women. A married woman who has been through it and is very happy with her life and fulfillment knows that she is not settled. But her single friends who haven’t reached the point in their life where they can decide what is real and important and what they don’t think they are settled. Sometimes when they grow up, they realize later that their partner was growing up and being wise enough to find a future with the right person who isn’t tall, dark and handsome or who doesn’t live in a McMansion but makes fun of him. , he will love and protect him, he will always show up, and he will work hard and earn a living.
As people put a lot of emphasis on appearance, it has nothing to do with the quality of life and the person. Neither does material wealth. Money can make the journey fun but it does not equate to happiness or satisfaction. Couples can be happy without being rich but you can be rich and unhappy. If you have both, you are blessed.
Education is often another point of contention. In my culture (Nigerian parents although born in the UK), a person usually marries someone of similar education. In many cases, a college education is a sign of courage and vision. It’s not easy, and dropping out of high school or college can be a sign of a lack of vision or patience and dedication to a particular goal—a necessary life lesson. Some people are very specific about what they want to do and how to do it and bypass the conventional methods and it works for them. It’s a personal choice but it often leads to conflict later on if things don’t go as planned. It is true that many people do not work in the field that they were successful in because of their higher education. But it opens some doors that might be closed to someone who doesn’t graduate from college and it’s hard to convince people that you’re smart and well-traveled and well-read if you didn’t go on to college.
Some bones of contention are jokes, the original family or children from the original relationship, what they do, where they live, what they drive, what they dress for, race and the list goes on….
If any of these sounds like a great reason to marry a man, then you’re in for a treat:
1) You married him because you grew up and it was time.
2) You married him because you needed to have children.
3) You married him for security, to have a man around.
4) You married her to have a warm body in your bed, just for sex.
5) You married him because of social norms or pressure from family or as friends.
If you married her for these reasons even though you are surrounded by people who cannot see it and think you are settled, you are not settled:
1) You really like this person and vice versa.
2) You married your best friend.
3) Even though they may not be there yet, this person has potential, structure and depth to them that leaves you with no doubt that everything will be fine. Also, he is committed to changing things and committed to being the best man he can be to you around.
4) You did an honest and sincere search and realized that some of the things you’ve had for years had nothing to do with what makes for a happy marriage and you decided to focus on the things that really matter. final analysis. An example of a related area would be appearance which includes skin, height, build etc.
If you are this woman and your friends and family won’t let you settle down, please tell them that you made the rules first and it’s your chance to change them if you want. This might just get them thinking about their own business! But you are the only one who knows the truth in the end. However, if you are determined, I wish you the best of luck because the road can be rough but it can be done.
If you married your husband mainly because of the following, your problem is not related to divorce or not. You were naive and maybe a gold digger. You can find what’s coming to you:
1) The only reason: The look!
2) He plays football
3) He plays basketball
4) He is a rapper
5) He is rich
6) He drives a BMW!
7) He is friends with the rich and famous even if he is not only rich and famous!!!
If you’re a single mom and it’s never happened—all men make mistakes all the time—is there a chance you need to change something about yourself? Do this for me: look inside yourself, take a second look and see if there’s one thing you could do a little differently when it comes to choosing people to date or what you do when you’re dating. I recommend this. Get a piece of paper and a pen; write everything you want in a man in two columns. Pause before writing each point and decide whether it goes into the must-have section or the want-to-have section. You might be surprised that some of the reasons you shut other guys down are the ones you want to have! On the flip side, with the numbers we have (according to Nightline, 1.8 million black women outnumber black men and only 54 percent of black men are eligible!), every black woman who wants a black man isn’t going to find a boyfriend. If you have covered all your bases and are confident that you are the best person you can be, then keep being that way; live your life, and be happy.
These results are worth noting for all of us, even if we beat Mr. Right:
A) We do not own our partner. We choose them to live with and have children with (if we choose) because we bond with them and love them so much. However, they are still individuals and ultimately, we cannot control them unless they consent or cooperate. We must keep mutual respect alive.
B) Ladies, please remember that your husband or wife is not responsible for your happiness. Just as he shouldn’t do things that will make you unhappy like cheating on you or leaving your job without an immediate alternative—with loans and car records not surprisingly missing—you need to make sure you find fulfillment in yourself and purpose before you commit to another person. If you get married expecting the man to be your everything, you will know that he is not and cannot be. Find yourself, find your God and be committed to a purpose in life. Make your life something. Make a difference in this world.
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