What Type Of Dancing Should 40 Year Old Man.Learn The Heartache of Loving a Commitment Phobic

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The Heartache of Loving a Commitment Phobic

As a psychologist, I am assigned to help people with all kinds of fears. However, I have never received a word of encouragement from anyone with commitment phobia and yet the problem seems to have gotten worse and is causing untold grief for many people.

Sharon and John have been together for six years. Sharon wants to get married, John doesn’t. Every time Sharon brings up the subject, John scolds Sharon for complaining. He refused to talk about the matter, except to express his feelings and tell Sharon that he is very ‘necessary’ and difficult.

Sharon feels confused and frustrated by the various messages she receives from John. On the one hand, John always tells Sharon how much he loves her. He assures her that they will always be together and tells her how happy she will be if they are separated. On the other hand, John refuses to take their relationship one step further. Similarly, John seems to prioritize his work and leisure time over his time with Sharon. She seems to come third to John’s needs and if she hadn’t adjusted her schedule to fit John’s schedule, they probably wouldn’t have spent much time together.

Do you have friends in this situation? Have you ever been single or are you currently in a relationship with a ‘commitment phobic’? If you are, you know the heartache it causes. A relationship is everything you need or desire. You can’t imagine life without this person. Your partner loves you and is comfortable with you, but when the two of you feel very close – or when you start talking about living together, or getting married – your partner finds a way to put distance between you both. and you feel pain and hurt again and again.

Commitment Phobia: Today’s Threats

You read about ‘commitment phobia’ all the time in newspapers and magazines. Wherever you go, you will hear at least one conversation about someone who is afraid of commitment. Maybe you have that one friend who complains about being in a ‘commitment phobic’ relationship and tells you that they will try anything to change their partner’s mind and oh, what will they do?

We seem to live in an age where many people fall in love, only to be left feeling frustrated, angry and heartbroken when they realize they are in a ‘commitment phobic’ relationship.

Commitment Phobia is not a gender issue

A common myth you are fed to believe, is that men have a corner on the ‘commitment phobia’ market. It’s all part of the idea that men and women are from different planets and suffer from different problems – women want to commit and men don’t. That did not happen to me. In my clinical practice, in the families I teach, in conversations with friends and acquaintances it is clear that women also suffer from ‘commitment phobia’. Men are also disappointed when they find a partner who can’t make it.

One of the people I knew, in the gym I had, came up to me one day and asked if we could talk after I finished my workout. We had chatted a few times before and he knew I worked as a psychologist and coach and wanted to pick my brain about what he was struggling with.

We met for coffee after our workout and he told me about these amazing women he met about four months ago (how could that be a problem I thought?). She described the good relationship they had, how they ‘connected’ and how she believed she had found her ‘best friend’. The only problem was that as soon as he showed signs of progressing the relationship, he seemed to distance himself from her (now I get it!). Gregg, afraid of losing this woman, was desperate to find out how to change her mind. He told me everything he tried to do and told her to make sure the relationship went ahead. He felt that he couldn’t control himself and said that he felt like he was going crazy – what should he do?

Mixed Messages: Come closer, leave

What distinguishes their ‘phobic commitment’ is their longing for love and companionship and their intense fear. Although many people struggle at times between wanting to be close and fearing closeness, the ‘commitment phobic’ has a strong desire to be close to their greatest, most terrifying fear. They keep giving different messages: “Come closer . . .

The two messages you get from ‘commitment phobic’ are “I really want and need all this closeness, but don’t bind me. I love you so much but I also need to be close to other people. I want and need you. love me, but stop me. I want and need to be with you, and I want and need my space , they hit the dance floor ‘Push-pull’ and by the end you’re confused, angry, frustrated, and wondering if you’re crazy.

Take Care – Don’t Join to Get Started!

If you know you want to be in a committed relationship, you are at risk if you end up dating a commitment phobic. In my upcoming book, you will understand the emotional toll of being in a relationship with someone who dances ‘push-pull’ with you.

If you want to be in a committed relationship the best advice is to not get into a relationship with a ‘commitment phobic’ to begin with. Prevention is better than cure! There are two simple but important steps you can take to avoid getting into the painful situation of being commitment phobic.

The first step is to have a clear understanding of the type of person you want to be with and a clear understanding of the type of relationship you want and make sure you know what your priorities are.

The second step is knowing and being able to recognize the signs of commitment phobia early on – before you fall into the agony of realizing, too late, that you have one.

In my upcoming book, I’ll share with you how to get a better understanding of the type of relationship you want and how to determine the type of person you want to be with. You’ll learn how to identify ‘commitment phobic’ signs and how to avoid them and I’ll share with you the difference between a real relationship and a fake relationship.

Time’s Up… What Do I Do Now?

Love is blind. When we first meet that special someone we are in denial and we don’t see what we don’t want to see, or we hope that these undesirable qualities, we see, will somehow disappear. And it’s easy to fall for commitment phobic. They like to be open, loving and comfortable with revealing themselves. It seems to be good for the relationship. They want to connect more, they want to love and be loved.

But what do you do when you realize – too late – that you are with someone who is ‘commitment phobic’? Let me share with you what not to do:

Never try to change the ‘commitment phobic’! It won’t work.

When you read my upcoming book, you’ll understand the top three strategies that ‘commitment phobics’ use when trying to convince or change them. You will also understand that when you try to change them, you end up pushing them towards their ‘fear’.

Are you willing to keep putting your goals and dreams on hold to fulfill your commitment to your partner? Do you want to avoid starting the conversation, fearing that your partner will leave you? Do you want to be in a relationship that makes you feel angry, frustrated and powerless?

At the end of the day, you only have two choices: stay or go. Every decision will be painful. It is a question, however, of short-term pain versus long-term pain.

The choice is yours – only you can make it.

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