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The Roller Coaster Ride of Pregnancy and Motherhood
As I approached my thirtieth birthday with the speed I longed to achieve, I found myself taking a hard look at my life. I thought about and analyzed what I had achieved so far (or as I thought at the time, my complete lack) and I explored where I would like to be in the future.
I had just gotten married to a man I met when I was only 19 years old. We were together for ten years before we got married. I was, I am, one of those people who live wisely and safely hour by hour and day by day. I didn’t make rash decisions. When it came to family, the possibility of getting pregnant never crossed my mind and I always thought that I would have children in my thirties.
After our marriage ended, we thought it was the right time for our marriage and subconsciously thought it would just happen – just like that. It didn’t. And it didn’t happen for two years. Many doctors and tests later it was found that I had a small fertility problem but not one that was going to destroy it. I started on the Clomid course.
It’s funny how I got carried away. I always thought about babies. I was jealous of pregnant women and I was sure that the pregnancy in my hometown had quadrupled. Everywhere I looked, my friends, colleagues and family – they all seemed to be getting pregnant, quite simply. When I was about to lose myself and was tormented by many ‘woe is me’ thoughts, I looked at my calendar and realized that I needed to take a pregnancy test. Boxing day 2001 and I got tested. Amazing. The pregnancy was surprisingly easy. (If you ignore the persistent vomiting from the sixth week to two days after birth). Then followed a wonderful period at week 30 which resulted in me spending several weeks in the hospital and a premature birth. Happily, the pregnancy continued and in August 2002 I gave birth to a beautiful baby girl, born at 38 weeks and weighing a tiny 5lb 3oz. Amazing! Jessica Rose.
Interestingly, without any planning – I got pregnant again in 2004. This pregnancy was very difficult. Again, I had constant vomiting but otherwise, I was not happy or healthy during pregnancy. I was just tired all the time – not a little but very tired. In the middle of the 30th week (apparently only a little for me) I had obstetric cholestasis. Cholestasis is a rare condition of pregnancy, which causes an excess of bile acid in the blood. The main symptom is persistent itching. It was taken during a routine visit to see the Obstetric Consultant. I came to a time when I faced a certain problem. I had left work feeling sick and tired. In fact, in the hospital waiting room, I started to itch constantly—mostly on my hands but then spreading. The itching made me so desperate that I scratched myself until my skin bled. I was admitted to the hospital there and then I stayed. Back then, I didn’t know anything about cholestasis, I had never heard of it. Even now I feel like I know more. After being in the hospital for several weeks with daily blood tests, I was informed that my bile acid and liver levels were very high and could pose a risk to my unborn child, which I knew was a girl. I didn’t really understand the medical term at the time, nor did I understand what was going on, but when a lovely midwife came to hold my hand and gently explained that having Obstetric Cholestasis could lead to stillbirth and that I. I have to prepare myself for it – my world fell apart.
The next day, my consultant came to see me and told me that she would start induction right away to give birth to my baby safely. The infusion began without delay and had few complications. I was attached to the heart belt continuously and I remember one time feeling like the pain was at its peak. My husband was monitoring the heart rate and noticed that the machine was no longer detecting a heartbeat. Having not seen the midwife for some time, my husband pushed the alarm bell and the midwife came quickly. Within seconds there was a team of midwives, pediatricians and nursing assistants inside the room. My husband was horrified – I was busy fighting the pain but I realized there was something wrong. The next thing I remember is that my daughter was born. At 7:20 am on April 15, 2005 – 35 weeks, I gave birth to a very healthy and lively 5lb 11oz baby girl. Mrs. Elisa. All was well, I was thankful and relaxed.
So there I was, 33 years old and a proud mother of two beautiful girls. How fortunate!
Then, at the end of 2006, I found out that I am pregnant (I remember that at one point in my life I thought I would never have children – this was a mental breakdown). Here I went into pregnancy with a sad face. I knew when I had cholestasis during my last pregnancy that I had a 60-80% chance of getting it again. Be warned and forearmed as they say. The pregnancy was, like the first, very easy. I did not get sick even after the 14th week and because of this I was sure that I had a boy. My thought was that when I am pregnant with a girl, there is an increase in estrogen that causes disease. There is no boy. I constantly check for signs of Obstetric Cholestasis and am relieved when there are none. I got to week 30 and then started itching like crazy. I couldn’t sleep because I wanted to scratch. I often woke up at night to take a shower to reduce the itching. I was fed up and sent to my counselors. Many blood tests were done but there was no elevation of my liver or bile results and therefore cholestasis was not found. For the next few weeks, I was monitored regularly, for which I will be forever grateful. When I met with the consultant, I was informed that I would be taken on the ‘at risk’ register as I did not have cholestasis so my pregnancy should be considered ‘normal’. This, I could not accept. Since I’ve been worried about the possibility of stillbirth this past time, I haven’t been lucky this whole time. I became an annoying pregnant woman and pestered my midwife, my GP and my consultant to do several blood tests as the itching was still unbearable. This was in itself, I believe, a major symptom of cholestasis. I realized that the chance of stillbirth continues to increase until the end of pregnancy and I know that many counselors with cholestasis think that it is better to give birth at 35-38 weeks, because the delivery time is too long. chance for the child to survive. With this knowledge, I continued to seek birth as a child. Which I know a lot of people hate. But my conscience is clear. I was doing what I thought was best for my son. Finally they agreed that I will be 37 weeks – July 2007. After a very painful birth – as my baby was going down the birth canal but I was not late and then a sign of distress from my baby – I am happy to say that my third GIRL was born happy and healthy , weighing 6lbs. Emily Grace.
I am now a mother of three beautiful and attractive girls. My life revolves around them and they, luckily, don’t know about the trials and tribulations that come here when surrounded.
My family is complete. Although I may secretly long for another child – I know my family cannot handle another pregnancy and all the pain it would bring.
My advice to everyone would be to not ignore any health issues during pregnancy and to go to their GP. I don’t know how things would have turned out if I hadn’t met my counselor during my second pregnancy and I can’t imagine what would have happened during my third pregnancy if I hadn’t persevered.
Every pregnancy is different. But we, as parents, must take responsibility for our unborn children and make sure that nothing is overlooked.
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