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Divorced But Not Over It?
Divorce may be final but is the lingering pain and anger still eating away at you? Here are ten tips to help you overcome the pain and move on with your life.
1. DESTRUCTION OF THE BODY
Prolonged anxiety, depression or pain of any kind hurts the body, not the mind. Get on the road and run through the pain, lift weights and scream, dance until you sweat. Eat healthy and drink water, not alcohol. Give your body a break. Self-destruction will not make the relationship better. If you are losing weight or have suicidal thoughts, ask your doctor for a few months of antidepressants.
2. THINK ABOUT GOOD PRINCIPLES
If you were able to have a relationship, any relationship, even if it ended badly, at least you know passion, intimacy and maybe, parents. All that can involve pain, too. Do you wish you never felt anything?
3. SAVE THE CHILDREN
Are you trying to continue being a good parent but your ex wants to break up with you? That situation can push the panic buttons. Remember the story of Solomon and the two women. Allow the child to live in peace and be as sensitive as possible. When the child is ten years old, he sees the truth. Just give unconditional, unconditional love and time will do the rest. Don’t make the mistake of yelling at your children for being upset with your partner or making the children pregnant.
4. Hot anger
Hot anger is, well, hot and not unlike passion. If you are still involved in someone’s life and what they say or do, you need to be careful. If a stranger were to say or do something similar, would it bother you? Maybe not. Admit that you still care and get professional help to fix the lingering love that seems like hate.
5. SUBSCRIBE UNTIL ENDED
When you’re cornered, your best game may be staring at you. If you’re still confused about your past relationship, you won’t realize it. A double loss.
6. GET OUT OF THE BOX
Remove yourself from triggers that trigger feelings. Take a trip to Rome or Baltimore, anywhere that’s new and different to help put your relationship crisis at ease. It’s just a relationship. Although it may hurt now, it is not life-threatening for HIV or cancer. You will recover.
7. REAL THINGS
It is true that of all marriages in America, 50% of first marriages end in divorce and 67% of second and 74% of third marriages also end in divorce, according to Jennifer Baker of the Forest Institute of Professional Psychology. The division as shown at http://www.divorcerate.org/ is as follows:
Age of marriage for those who divorce in America
Age Women Men
Under 20 years 27.6% 11.7%
20 to 24 years 36.6% 38.8%
25 to 29 years 16.4% 22.3%
30 to 34 years 8.5% 11.6%
35 to 39 years 5.1% 6.5%
Relationships are very difficult to stay together during difficult times and divorce is easy, especially if you were very young.
8. BE RESPONSIBLE
No matter how bad your relationship may be now, you have made long-term decisions that have brought you to this place. Take fifty-fifty responsibility for all your decisions and problems. Guilt games are childish and fruitless. Learn from your mistakes and try harder next time in choosing the right partner or in learning to be a good friend.
9. THE RIGHT TIME
If you share a child, you will also share grandchildren and great-grandchildren at weddings, graduations and birthdays. The hatred of the past will affect the lives of your future descendants depending on your life or if you hold grudges. Sweet innocents will love Grandma and Grandpa and your smoke at their parties will kill them. Not fair to the little kids. If you live in the same town, your friends and co-workers will have to pay for your broken relationship and not enough to fix the pain. Managers may read this as insufficient to resolve other issues and pass you over for a promotion. Like stone rings in a pond, negative vibes will spread throughout.
10. TIME IS SHORT
Your life is going away. Wouldn’t you rather be smiling, sailing, hiking, discovering new scientific wonders or gardening, than fighting?
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