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Dear Dr. Romance: I Lost Everything
Dear Dr. romance,
I read your article about “Age Differences in Dating” and thought you might be interested in history. I was married to a young man for twenty years. He was 21 and I was 40 when we met.
I was in an unhappy marriage for twenty years and had three sons. I didn’t want to get married again. When I met this handsome guy who was following me openly I was delighted. An affair developed into a real relationship. He was completely different from my ex-husband and I was surprised that we could talk for hours without hurting each other, we were interested in the same things, we liked the same music, books, etc. even the biggest difference in our physical appearance as I look ten years younger and he looks so much older, he has gray hair early.
However, when he asked me to marry him, I insisted that we should live together because I could not imagine that this would end forever. I have to admit that the first few years I was secretly waiting for the other shoe to drop. He was serious and reserved, I was funny and soulless. He once told a friend that I am a very interesting and interesting woman. he had never met before and didn’t know what to expect from me later. For me he was a rock of trust and security and the most caring, gentle, loving person I met. I think we complimented each other and each fulfilled the other’s needs.
We worked together to build a life and I helped him climb the corporate ladder to become Vice President. When he started doing well, he insisted that I quit my job so that I could travel with him on business. It was the first time in my life that I didn’t work. I was happy to finally be a housewife. We traveled everywhere. Australia, Hong Kong, London, Paris… places I never dreamed I would see. On our thirteenth wedding anniversary we went on vacation to Hawaii and everyone thought we were newlyweds. We never had a big disagreement, we did everything together and I felt safe because he took good care of me. It was the happiest 20 years of my life. Finally I was confident that the other shoe would not fall off. I trusted and believed in him…in us.
Then one day, just before we turned 20, he came into the house and said that he was in a relationship with someone else and wanted to end the marriage. He stayed with her that night. She had been dating him for two months. Then I found out that he was working for her. I was really disappointed. I did not know that he was unhappy in our family. I lived with him for 20 years and suddenly I met a stranger who told me that our age difference was more than he could handle. His friends and colleagues did not agree. After all, my eldest son was only three years younger than him. A fact that hasn’t changed in 20 years.
I was 62 years old, had not worked for twelve years and had no means of support. I lost everything because Texas had no funding at the time. It took me years of counseling to regain my self-respect and self-worth. I am 75 years old now and I have rebuilt my life with new places and new friends. But not a day goes by that I don’t think about him. I was naive to believe that age doesn’t matter. There are two points for age, and I don’t think that will change. together for the rest of my life.
Dear Reader:
I’m sorry you’re so upset. This would also be possible if you were married to a man of your age. I’m proud of you for rebuilding your life, and for not being bitter, but enjoying your memories. None of us can predict what will happen in the future.
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