What Is Considered A Fever In A 4 Month Old Keeping The Mother-Son Relationship Healthy

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Keeping The Mother-Son Relationship Healthy

Throughout human history mother-child relationships have been considered special. Many women say that having a son gives them a sense of completeness. One woman asserted, “It’s as if in him I found the missing part of me.”

Patriarchal societies value sons more. Sometimes, “boy-centricity” can become obsessive. In India, special rituals are performed to invoke divine intervention in granting a son. Sons are required to maintain lineage, take care of their parents in their old age and ensure the salvation of souls after death. As such, boys receive preferential treatment, with better food, health care, education and protection. This “son preference” has led to many female feticides in many countries, resulting in a skewed sex ratio.

Researchers at Richmond University in Virginia found that women develop a set of ‘maternal neurons’ that function like ‘bad mother’ or ‘good mother’ switches in the brain. These groups of brain cells that are created during pregnancy and change after birth, are responsible for good or bad parenting. A certain number of neurons must be switched on for ‘good mothering’ to take place.

A team at Yale University uses brain scans to study the areas of the brain that drive good or bad mothers. Dr. James Swain says, “We have identified certain areas of the brain where there is a link between neuronal activity and measures of ‘adequate’ or ‘inadequate’ parenting.”

So far no one has come up with a scientific explanation why a mother loves her son more than her daughter. Evolutionary biologist Richard Dawkins in his book “The Selfish Gene” suggests that this maternal devotion is a selfish strategy to ensure the survival of her young. He knows that after a certain age, he cannot reproduce. So he protects his sons as he will eventually spread his gene pool.

When a mother has this protective love for her son, she becomes fiercely protective of his life, stunting his emotional growth and binding him to her apron strings as ‘Mama’s Boy”. This trend has been documented even as far back as the biblical story of Rebekah, who encouraged her favorite son Jacob to steal his brother’s blessing through impersonation. But he had to suffer greatly by being separated from him for many years, to protect him from the wrath of Esau.

The Greek mother Thetis dipped her son Achilles in the magical River Styx, to make him invulnerable. But of course it left him with an unprotected heel.

Like mother-daughter relationships, close mother-son relationships are important in the early formative years. Babies begin to show distress when separated from their mothers. But every mother should keep in mind that this is only a temporary phase. Physical distance should start early in the case of a boy because of the erotic potential of such a bond. Mollycoddling is harmful to the emotional health of both mother and son.

The Oedipus complex is a well-known phenomenon. It is based on the Greek myth in which Oedipus considers his father a rival for his mother’s love. So he killed him and married his mother Jocasta.

The period between 18 months and three years is when a child becomes aware of his own sexual identity. He develops a concept of himself by exploring his own body. Between three and five years, libidinal and ego development takes place. This can be well defined as the phase of Oedipus, when a child has the desire to possess his mother, and even begins to see his father as an opponent. This is a passing phase, and a wise mother will gradually wean him away from these feelings until he begins to identify with his father.

Reasons for a mother’s abnormal feelings:

• When a mother experienced abandonment from her father in her own childhood, she may be overprotective of her child, to compensate for those feelings of abandonment. He wants his son to stay in this oedipal phase for his own fulfillment. Sons cannot substitute for husbands or fathers; nor are they playing for fun.

Many great men have suffered from this overprotection. Andrew Carnegie’s mother made him promise that he would not marry until she died. It must have been a frustrating experience. He eventually married a year after her death, at the age of 52.

Dwight Eisenhower also had an obsessive mother. Once when he was quarantined for scarlet fever, he used a ladder to climb up and see his son every day from a window.

However, a mother who suffered abandonment from her father in childhood could also experience difficulties in bonding and become abusive with her son.

• If a wife’s emotional needs are not met by her husband, either because of his career, or because of his inconsiderate nature, or because of infidelity, he may turn to his son. He can shower her with kisses or caresses or verbal professions of love. This form of ’emotional incest’ seeks to alienate the father from loving his son. True incest is not excluded.

• Single parents, either unmarried or widowed, may also be overly indulgent and overly protective of their sons, to compensate for the lack of a father.

The destructive effects of these dysfunctional relationships:

About the child:

1. Excessive dependence on mother leads to stunting in emotional and mental growth. Unable to cope with life’s challenges, she has behavioral problems and is often considered a ‘sissy’. The mother does not want her son to grow up and plans to keep their relationship exclusive.

2. Inability to maintain healthy relationships with others. It can even damage his sexuality and destroy his ability to have a happy partnership. He will avoid commitment. If he is married, he may end up in divorce due to constant interference by his mother. He will not have the courage to stand up to her and protect his wife from her mother’s constant bullying.

3. A seductive manipulative mother and a distant passive father can turn the boy into a homosexual.

4. Smother love can prove to be a dangerous emasculating attachment, rendering the son sexually dysfunctional.

About the mother:

1. A woman who transfers her time and priority to her son will lose her husband. There will be a lack of intimacy and many sexual problems. Her husband will begin to look elsewhere for his progress. He might become a workaholic or forge extramarital bonds or indulge in drinking or gambling.

2. A mother whose life revolves around her son lulled in an unconscious assurance that he will never leave her.

3. An incestuous relationship may develop. Inappropriate feelings for her son is a form of child abuse and can be demoralizing.

How to maintain a healthy mother-son relationship:

• Respect your child’s personality. Treat him with great respect and help him develop his personality.

• Raise your son to be a well-balanced person physically and spiritually. ‘Smother love’ kills. So don’t hold on too tightly.

• Define healthy boundaries and know when to physically distance yourself.

• Parenting is a business. Fathers must not be excluded from the relationship. They should also be allowed to bond with their sons. The responsibility of parents involves equipping them with strategies for living such as respect for elders, respect for the opposite sex, discipline, love and good example. The goal should be to encourage maturity, independence and independence in adulthood.

• Do not neglect your husband. Take the time of the mother to be ‘together’ with her. Talk, care, and be intimate. Let our love for one another grow as we share the responsibility of raising it.

• Be a good and worthy role model. Let him learn from you how to respect and treat his wife when he gets married.

• Always remember the child is not your husband. So do not force adult responsibility on him.

• Change your focus. Use some time to take care of the needs of your other children. Find new activities to keep your mind on your son.

• Pray and ask God to give you the wisdom to manage your emotions responsibly and with self-respect.

As feminist Naomi Lewinsky said, “We shouldn’t need our children. We shouldn’t join them except when they’re babies. We shouldn’t let our dirty feelings seep into our children’s development. We should raise them to be separate persons.”

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