The Description Of An Old Man As Sitting Somewhat Apart Where Is My Village? – Why Modern Day Parenting Sucks

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Where Is My Village? – Why Modern Day Parenting Sucks

Bad Mother

We love to listen to music in our house, from Classical to Metal; Country to Reggae; and everything in between. A good workout can lighten the mood, fill an empty space, and be a good reason to do cardio. So when I first heard “Sir” by James Brown driving to work; I couldn’t wait to play it loud in my living room, hanging out with my kids. I’m learning, however, that children are a way of pulverizing your best intentions. They really know how to disrupt all your dreams. When you try something fun you think they’ll like it, they won’t. OR what they take away from the event is not what you planned…

So I sang a song; be-bopping and good times had it all. I sang along to my favorite line: “Look at me! Do you know what you’re seeing? You’re seeing the Wicked Woman! The Wicked Woman.” Groovy right? Until my three-year-old starts talking about ‘Bad Mom’ – How she lives in the woods, say “Roar” and she’s usually very hostile. Swelling! I’m already insecure and very sensitive to what people think about my parenting.

So I (seriously) joked about it with everyone. I told them about “Sir” and if they hear my son talking about a bad mother, he is not talking about you. Hee-hee! Beautiful! My foresight aside; things are a little poetic. Why do I feel like I’m not doing well? – Even if I think about it, I’m doing well! My children are smart, healthy, and happy. We have a happy and normal family. So why the guilty conscience? Why do I feel like they are staring at me?

It has become a way to get rid of insecurities. I am learning to recognize and challenge the feelings of near failure, the self-criticism that came from comparing myself to other women. My children are happy although we don’t do fraud every day. I am a good parent such as those who have more time to grow and store food. I can’t cook: but I can learn.

On social media, we want to put our best face forward, that’s all we see from other moms and dads. So I’m comparing myself to people who don’t exist! – They are mine thoughts of what the ‘perfect parent’ would be. Although I feel insecure about these reasons, I am also alone with my children most of their lives. Perhaps, if I had more friends and family in my daily life, I would have real examples and knowledge to support my parenting. – Not to mention the timeout me not just my children.

It depends on the village

I know I’m not the only new parent who feels this way; I have an idea for one of the reasons: Raising children is more difficult than we expected, and we have lost our ‘Village’ motto.

Everyone knows the saying: “It takes a village to raise a child.” The word is believed to have originated in Africa; others believe it originated in Native American culture. In any case, this famous saying comes from the time and place where people lived together. It was a country where his neighbors were also close friends and relatives; where everyone played, worked, grieved and celebrated together – always together. Today our world is divided into groups. Most families are islands, because we often think that – everyone is selfish. I feel like people are missing a lot, and it makes us very sad.

I long for the old days when families lived and worked together. As a true child of the 80s, I also long for a long time ago: when my neighbors and friends got together to play card games. – the internet, TV, and smart phones before they destroy anything. Please understand that I’m not anti-technology: It’s a wonderful thing, especially as a new parent, to have all the answers at your fingertips. Support groups and forums can be very helpful. However, it is no secret that even though having these devices has closed the distance between us all, it can also drive the boundaries between people in the same room.

We still need our Aunts and Uncles, cousins ​​and Grandparents. They are replaced by digital baby sitters. He used to say, “Come and play with Aunty so that mommy can wash the dishes.” Now it’s “want to watch another movie? Well I guess…”

It’s boring to go see people. I have to prepare. Dress the children in cute clothes, bring accessories, bathe them, and carry them. When we get to other people’s houses, I often chase and scold the children. There is very little, or constant discussion (Senior most important). There is confusion. We reach home very tired. I’m going to leave my house for a while, until I finish high school. Living a healthy lifestyle is very difficult with multiple young children… and I am fortunate to have more support than most.

All The Help I Can Get.

I am one of the lucky ones: I have an amazing husband. I know that many people do not have a life preserver, as they tread the unexpectedly difficult waters of parenthood. (To you foster parents: I tip my hat to you.) We are so thankful for my in-laws who live so far away from us. He is always there and eager to help. I also thank my mother: She lives a few towns away but she always comes to help me: whether I have to work or just have a bad day. These people among others make up my ‘tribe’.

Even though I know I have a lot of support, it’s not enough. There are days when I want to pull my hair out. I just don’t want these days -Mother- for a while. I mutter: “What do I think I don’t have the patience for this, I don’t know about children so I had two very close, I suck at this…” I couldn’t control myself. I screamed. I held her arm in her chair. I cried.

So I’m sorry. Over and over I beg these beautiful beasts to forgive Mother. He is doing his best. She is nothing like the mother she thought herself to be, back when she was ignorant. He asks: “Where is my village?!”

Realizing the Struggle is Real

I saw a comic that read like this: I was a good parent, before I had kids. I couldn’t have said it better myself. I know that the people who judge me most harshly, are the ones who have no small punishments in their lives. I know this because I was one of those people. “When I have kids they won’t do well because I’ll be difficult and inconsistent. That’s all right?” I thought: “People who don’t know more than me, have children every day – we have this!” I didn’t know about the lack of sleep, the last drop of calm was gone. I’m not ready for potty training and public disobedience. (I’m not ready to come with a chronic illness either, but that’s a story for another story)

At the beginning of my pregnancy with my second child, I knew a woman who also had two girls who were 15 months apart. When I told her that I was pregnant, her face was very emotional. He told me about being overwhelmed. Because he was very upset, he yelled at his children. “OOO!” I thought: “I will not yell at my children!!” Huh. Ha-ha. Huh

A close friend had a little meltdown one night: She left her house, without saying a word to her children or husband, got into her car and drove off. He entered the hotel room, and left for a minute. It was a difficult time for him to pass, surprisingly… But I ask: where was his village?

I recommend the Answer

I think as women we are afraid to ask for help because it feels like an admission of inadequacy. We don’t want people to know that we are in the headlines some days. We can’t admit for one minute that we’re not super moms 24/7. We get angry: We get upset. Many of us take anti-depressants/anxiety medications.

I want to do something about this: I am making it my goal to invite one friend over to my house once a week. I used to worry about people not coming to see me, until I realized that maybe it was because I didn’t invite them. I’m making it a point to visit family members regularly (as boring as that may be). I’m going to start promoting the group projects that do the most difficult work:

  • Window Washing Parties

  • Field Meetings

  • The splitting of the wood is aimed at the extravaganza

  • Burning Shindigs

  • Work Yard Shenanigans

Bring wine and chocolate. Bring beer and bratwurst; whatever the company wants. Next week go to someone else and help them with any task that is weighing them down. Just do it together. It’s not that “many hands make light work,” but coming together with real people to achieve goals, no matter how big or small, is good for you, your family and your community.

I will spend less time on social media. It makes us feel like we’re connected- but we’re not. I will call and send cards. The task I set for myself this summer is this: Encourage each other to get out of our homes and do things together. Let’s build a village.

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