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Your Defiant Child: Review

I studied this book as my primary source in preparing and writing my second crime/mystery book. This is one of the reasons why I mostly replace the word ‘child’ with ‘challenged’. The other reason is that I am trying to apply the context of the book to retarded adults instead of challenged children. Retarded adults are children anyway, right?

In addition to the many children around me who show signs of becoming sociopaths, there are more adults who act like children. Many defiant children become adult psychos or sociopaths, and some become serial killers. I will use the revised book to explain why and how the criminal became a sociopath in my book.

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The whole family may lose affection for each other. Parents blame each other for the defiant’s destructive behavior. Siblings may end up hostile towards their parents and the challenging sibling. That’s how a challenge can bring the whole family down.

Important Facts to Remember

The challenging behavior is all you. Why? Because the greatest potential to control challenging behavior is in the environment and the enormous part of the environment is YOU.

The challenger acts the way he does because he can’t see things the way you do, meaning difference of perspective.

The quickest way to determine why the challenger acts the way it does is to look at yourself. Can you see the attitude of the challenge in your mind? If so, you are the problem or its root.

You encourage bad behavior to get worse by showing you have a breaking point and using cumulative punishment. You finally lose patience and decide to punish or give up and temporarily reward challenging behavior, thereby creating a time bomb – the inevitable physical violence.

Sudden overreaction to a certain behavior of the challenger will prevent the challenger from learning specific consequences for specific types of misbehavior. The challenge is not to build a predictable foundation of action and reaction without this learning. Offer incentives such as ‘reward points’ instead of using punishment.

What I think the book misses is to stress the fact that failure is not bad. In fact failing is actually good because we can’t learn until we fail. I don’t just miss my childhood. It was also a mess because my father was a perfectionist. Guess how that affected me. Yes. He never taught me that failure is a good thing, but instead forced me to be ‘perfect’.

Remember, this is just a fraction of what I learned from the book.

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