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The Name-less Article – (If Prince can do it)
This week (like most) has been very busy.
Some good, some not so good, some fun… some lessons, some interesting people and some challenges to keep me honest and test my resolve.
We’ll call it… life!
What would I do if everything was smooth sailing?
I would be bored.
This week was the final installment of our six-week Life Makeover Program.
We’ve had some great breakthroughs, some great feedback (I got a lovely 9 page letter from a grateful partner!) and it’s been fantastic to see people ‘stuck’ (with habits, thoughts, attitudes, disruptive beliefs and patterns behavior). ) for years (and years) … beginning to see and experience the light at the end of the tunnel.
People who (for the first time) realize that they can do, must and create amazing when they always follow certain change-principles and when they stop sabotaging themselves.
With this internal change.. we started to see some real life changes with genuine, measurable, practical results.
That’s what I like; physical, tangible, measurable… real results.
I have so much passion for, and belief in, people’s ability to change that it frustrates me when I see beautiful, smart, talented people still talk and think themselves in mediocrity.
Always walking in circles.
And I see it every day.
Sometimes I meet people and I honestly think .. “I wish I had your talent … if only you knew what you could do and be.”
One of the reasons I am so passionate about teaching what I believe.. is my lack of ability.
It was because of (not despite) my lack of ability that I had to drive, had to be passionate and had to get comfortable on a regular basis.
I don’t know everything but I know how to maximize capacity.
While I have some talent, I have met many people who are more talented than I will ever be…but choose (knowingly or not) not to use or develop that talent.
At the end of our program, I gave the participants a handout with what I believe were the key messages, principles and ideas from our time together…. knowing that most of us cannot participate in the six weeks. program (probably a bit difficult geographically) … flying from the United States, Canada or the UK every Tuesday could prove to be problematic … and expensive! I thought it might be an idea to share the (very abbreviated) summary of the program with you.
It’s cheaper (free) and you don’t have to sit in a classroom with me for six weeks (bonus).
As you read, keep in mind that these summary points were not intended to be used in one post (like this one) and therefore do not necessarily flow from one to the next. They were more to use as reminders and reminders for my students as the program became a distant memory.
Some of these will be relevant to where you are (personally), some will be a reminder of something you already know, some will be reviews for recent(ish) posts and lessons… and some may be a new revelation or insight to you
Use what makes sense to you.
Discard the rest.
Well, here we go:
July 2007 Life Renovation Program Summary Notes:
1) We are complex beings with many dimensions and we need to consider this in every (significant) decision we make. It is (very) possible (very likely perhaps) to be successful in one area of our life (finance, career for example) while being a complete disaster in another area (health, personal relationships, spiritual life perhaps) so if we are a squillionaire. .. but we’re going to have a heart attack next Tuesday or haven’t had a meaningful conversation with a loved one since the eighties … maybe we need to re-evaluate how and why we do these things … and possibly. redefine what success means to us.
2) My world will change when I change.
My reality needs to change from the inside-out; not the other side.
While there are many variables in the process…. I (my choices, my attitude, my habits, my communication, my ability to adapt) am the commander of the ‘SS Me’.
3) I need to (be able to) separate the emotional from the cerebral.
When I make emotional, reactive decisions.. I typically create bad (or undesirable) outcomes. What I feel (emotional stuff) and what I think you know to be true (cerebral stuff) don’t always align… in fact… often don’t align.
Sometimes we need to take a certain action, do something, make a certain decision (because logic and common sense tell us so) even though our insecure, scared, protective eight-year-old is kicking and screaming. contrary.
4) Our goals, dreams, hopes and values need to be wrapped in a practical life strategy (plan) … and for many, they are not. Despite what the LOA might suggest, sitting on the couch waiting for the universe to deliver our desires…doesn’t work. Most people do not have a sensible, practical goal setting process; they have a wish list.
As long as we all ‘get’ what the objective is… most of us don’t do it (practically and always apply it to our lives).
5) He is very passionate … it is better to be passionate and practical.
Passion without practice…leads to frustration.
6) Creating amazing results is not about talent or potential as much as it is about decision, attitude, commitment, drive and work ethic.
Sometimes.. talent is a handicap.
7) Fear doesn’t make us dysfunctional or weird…it makes us human and normal.
In order to create amazing things we (occasionally) need to do things, take chances, make decisions, address problems… despite our fears. Sometimes we need to look for the most efficient way … not the most comfortable or enjoyable.
8) Creating amazing isn’t always quick, easy, painless, simple or convenient.
Despite what the ads say.
9) Dealing with (not avoiding) adversity (problems, challenges, discomfort, pain) is how we develop skills (emotional, social, decision-making, practical, survival), gain strength, change our mindset and become more effective and powerful.
Problems, challenges, curve balls… are part of the human experience… not dealing with them is an unrealistic approach to… anything!
So failure, pain and disappointment can actually help us succeed.
10) Difficult / difficult is more about attitude than it is about situations, circumstances, events, environment or other people. Many people make the simple difficult… every day! Situations and circumstances are not difficult… (as much as) people!
11) Every day we have the choice to have a great day despite what happens (or doesn’t happen) that day. A good day is not about fate, destiny, luck or events… it is about us.
You are with me.
12) To create different we need to think different.
When we change the way we think.. then we react, decide, communicate, face, communicate and manage stress differently.
We also create a different reality.
Different thoughts =
Different choices =
Different behavior =
Different results =
Happy campers!! (YAY)
13) If we can’t define it, we can’t have it.
We need to be clear about what we want.
We need to set goals (and have a practical process).
Too many people want success… but they don’t actually know what it is.
14) We also need to be clear about what we don’t want.
Knowing what we don’t want helps us move in the right direction… helps create momentum and the right attitude.
Sometimes identifying what we don’t want is the catalyst we need.
15) Success is different things to different people… and what will make one person happy can make another person miserable or stressed (a pregnancy.. for example).
The one common denominator is that we all want to be happy…however the mechanism and/or catalyst for that happiness will vary from person to person.
We need to discover what pushes our happy button.
16) I am not a body; it’s just where I live.
As long as our identity is rooted in something that can be taken from us (appearance, work, money, games), we will always be insecure. I am more than my career, my house, my bank balance, my education, my body and my achievements… As long as my self-esteem depends on how I look, what I do or what I own… I am me in trouble.
I need to find my identity; who i am beyond what i do, own, drive.. or how nice/nice i am.
17) Knowing what to do is not nearly as important as doing what we know.
We live in the information age (we have never been more informed) … but we seem to be as troubled (dysfunctional, obese, unhappy, unfulfilled, confused, broken, addicted) as ever.
We get angry, we become bitter, we make excuses, we wait, we explain, we blame… and we still don’t really do anything.
We go to church, synagogue, school, library, Internet, workshops, therapists, life coaches… we are constantly bombarded with information (a lot of it is great) and still… many of us are exactly where we were told. we would never
18) “We don’t see things as they are; we see things as we are” (Anais Ninn)… and to be able to communicate and co-exist effectively with others (in all kinds of relationships. and situations) we need to be able to see things through other people’s eyes… learn their love language.. understand their communication style. If I always use the same communication style with different people, I will always create good, bad and indifferent results.
19) my past doesn’t have to equal my future… but for most people it does.
In general, our beliefs (about what is possible for us in the future) do not remotely reflect our abilities, potential or possible future achievements.
It is not our abilities, but our thoughts, beliefs and fears… that limit us.
20) To some extent, a person’s overall level of happiness (joy, peace, fulfillment) will depend on their ability to adapt. Everything around us is in a constant state of change, while we are (often) in a constant state of same. This can create problems on many levels if we do not adapt, learn, grow and change with our ever-evolving environment.
21) Many of us waste time and emotional energy on the things we cannot change while ignoring (and doing nothing about) the things we can. We need to identify where and how we do this… and start asking ourselves empowering questions (verses “Why is life so unfair to me” questions) … “What can I do” questions.
22) I will not accidentally succeed.
Success will not fall on me from a great height.
Some people spend their lives hoping that they will win the lottery… hoping that success will happen to them.
23) The number one reason people don’t create results forever is… they don’t finish what they start. Success is not the beginning, it is the end. Results are not about motivation, they are about perseverance.
24) Motivation is temporary… I need to get the job done despite my motivation peaks and depression.
25) Situations, circumstances and events do not create fear, I do.
I need a stress management strategy… the time to address my stress level is not after my first breakdown.
26) Even if we don’t like feedback, we need it… I can’t be completely objective about myself (performance, behavior, decisions, communication).
Critical, informed, intelligent feedback is a gift if we use it well (not always feeling it at the time).
27) Some of us manage everything… except us.
28) There are different types of smart.
Intelligence is not all about IQ tests… in fact… not at all.
Some ‘highly intelligent’ people are socially, emotionally and practically stupid.
29) Discipline is not necessarily cool.. or sexy… or marketable.. or popular… but it is effective. The world wants to buy easily but without a certain level of discipline (self control, inner strength, mental and emotional toughness) creating real change is impossible.
30) Trying to teach someone who doesn’t want to learn is an exercise in frustration (for you) and annoyance (for them). Quite often, the well-intentioned suggestions or spontaneous life-lessons .. will produce more resentment than enlightenment.
31) Who I am (and who I will be) is not predetermined, it is self-determined.
So there you have it; don’t ask me why thirty one point… just worked out that way.
Hope a light has turned on for you.
Enjoy your weekend.
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