How To Handle A Temper Tantrums In 4 Year Olds Book Review – Lift – Becoming a Positive Force in Any Situation

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Book Review – Lift – Becoming a Positive Force in Any Situation

Book: Rise: Be a positive force in any situation

By Ryan W. Quinn and Robert E. Quinn

Berrett-Koehler Publishers 2009

254 pages

After reading Robert E. Quinn’s book, Changing the World: How Ordinary People Can Achieve Extraordinary Results, I thought to myself, “This man wants us all to be saints!” Why? Because Changing the World describes eight “seed principles” that if taken seriously and acted upon naturally lead to compassionate action on behalf of others.

Robert Quinn’s new book, Lift: Becoming a Positive Force in Any Situation, which he co-authored with his son, Ryan Quinn, an assistant professor at the University of Virginia’s Darden School of Business, details this journey toward “holy “. Lift reports a way to become agents of positive change immediately in any situation we encounter by asking ourselves four basic questions: 1) What results do I want to create? 2) What would my story be if I lived the values ​​I expect from others? 3) How do other people feel about this situation? 4) What three (or four or five) strategies could I use to achieve my goals for this situation?

Robert Quinn, who holds the Margaret Tracy Collegiate Professorship at the University of Michigan and is professor of management and organization at the Ross School of Business, has written sixteen books. Considered an innovative thinker and authority on positive change processes, he developed ACT—Advanced Change Theory—which the Parent Coaching Institute uses as an integral part of our parent coaching success model. The four questions discussed and encouraged in Lift, provide a foundational focus to apply ACT better in daily activities when the business of life can often interfere with our good intentions to be good, thoughtful, or active.

How do people change and how do they do it deeply and sustainably in order to catalyze transformative societal change? it’s a question that captures our human desire to make a positive difference. You can count on Robert Quinn’s books to address this question and answer it well. Now in Lift, with his son Ryan, the two provide a practical foundation to keep this desire alive and come true. Lift is defined as a “psychological state in which a person is focused on goals, directed inward, focused on others, and outwardly outward.” This internal dynamic state keeps us “lifted” thus making us serious lifters of others. And sooner, as the authors demonstrate, our sphere of influence is infused with positivity and possibility—we naturally become role models for others as we enthusiastically undertake the self-discipline necessary to control and adjust our psychological states. “As within, so without,” has never seemed truer as I poured over the wisdom in this book.

The book begins with an informative overview of positive influences and the psychological state. As the Founder and CEO of the Parent Coaching Institute that has worked with parents for more than 30 years, I was struck by one of the stories in the first chapter by Ryan in which he explains using the four questions and 6 years his old son Mason. When we are dealing with a child with behavioral problems like Mason continues, your anger seems illogical, it is perfectly natural and normal for parents to be out of this psychological state in the wake. In fact, it is only the human impulse to force, impose, and strive to control as the situation escalates out of control. Parents and children become closer, demanding and often angry. It’s a mess. We’ve all been there as parents. Finding a way out can affect your relationship with your child because the most common parenting advice is to “take” charge; or “speak firmly and stand your ground,” close our children down even more … What parenting advice would you have: “Walk a mile in your son’s shoes?”

The power of lifting it is to center deeply on how the other is experiencing the situation while we stay centered on our goals and integrity. As Ryan explains how he tried really hard to understand his son, he received a flash of intuitive insight that resulted in a blessed moment between father and son, deepening understanding and respect for both of them. Throughout his story about Mason, Ryan shares how using the four questions brought him more in touch with his intuition and personal agency. It’s a moving story and it really shows how standing up can make a positive difference not only in the immediate, but for the future as well.

I won’t ruin the story for you by telling everything. You have to read it. Beyond the sweetness lies the enormous power of surrender and allowing for authentic connection to occur. At PCI, we strive to help parents connect authentically and find successful strategies that integrate the principles of Appreciative Inquiry and the Living System. The authors add an important layer here. Yes, while the tried and true parenting formula can often work to solve the immediate problem, it is difficult to translate an allocation strategy (rather than a strategy) like that found in Lift into practical application for parents. Well, two business professors did exactly that. Parent educators and parent coaches need to take note. With the book’s series of four central questions, a practical framework, questions, and strategies can be developed to bring out the best in others, in any situation—even six-year-olds who don’t have habitual tantrums.

Chapter Two introduces science, history and the elevator metaphor. It is here that the reader finds a comprehensible graphic that shows a framework of competing values, often used for organizational effectiveness. It consists of understanding the interaction of collaboration, control, creativity and competitiveness. For example, the value of cooperation often competes with control. Control is sometimes necessary to move forward, to make decisions, but collaboration is a powerful approach to productive teams. And while market competitiveness is essential, it often limits the creativity of those within the organization to compete effectively. Bob and Ryan Quinn use this framework to move from profound changes in psychological states to awakening, juxtaposing the four central questions with each of the four competing values. Control allows a person to be directed inward, examine his integrity. Collaboration keeps us focused, seeing others as people with legitimate needs, feelings and wants. Creativity allows us to stay outside. And competitiveness allows us to maintain our goal, which is usually used to create extraordinary results. This chapter is very useful for understanding the interaction between and among the four questions, demonstrating the dynamic energy inherent in their execution.

Chapter 3 provides an overview of how to move from problem-solving to what the authors call “goal-finding.” This is a very inspiring way to look at challenges, and it fits very well with the concept that our challenges, although always there, do not have to drag us into despair or alienation. The chapter sets the stage for the next eight chapters – the core of the book.

These chapters are organized around four basic questions. For example, Chapter 4 explains how to become more goal-centered, while Chapter 5 looks at ways to get out of goal-centeredness. Combined, the two chapters provide a lot of information to stay on target and answer question 1): What results do I want to create?

The next two chapters focus on becoming more internally directed, and supporting our lives by the values ​​we expect from others. Chapters 8 and 9 examine how we can truly understand how others feel about a situation we would like to change. An important element of becoming focused on others according to the Quinns is not to fear feedback from others. This is a common human obstacle to positive change and the authors normalize our fear of feedback, which allows us to use our fear for deep curiosity about ourselves and others rather than in anxious judgments that really have no effect of deep change.

Chapters 10 and 11 help us think about becoming more open to the outdoors. Chapter 11 contains a table summarizing the characteristics of elevators. This chart is an easy reference tool for the important elements and qualities that will keep us goal-centered, internally directed, other-focused and outwardly open. With a glance at the table, readers recognize effective strategies to stay in these states as opposed to the states of “comfort centered, externally directed, self-focused, and internally closed.” These are easy people to fall back on—especially when faced with tantrums from our kids or too many bills to pay or other common daily stressors.

Despite all the challenges, Robert and Ryan Quinn call us to be more—more present—more deeply engaged—more reflective—all around. We are encouraged to move from “comfort seekers” to “opportunity creators;” from spectators to fully engaged participants. While this is not exactly holiness, it is still hard work, worth every minute of labor—not for our rewards in Paradise, but for those daily rewards like when our children melt in our arms after a meltdown and show us they know who we are, that they know we love them beyond measure, and all is well. Pure Heaven! And Lift brings us many more such moments. Count on it!

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