How To Discipline A 4 Year-Old Who Is Defiant Raising a Violent-Free Teen in 10 Easy Steps

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Raising a Violent-Free Teen in 10 Easy Steps

The disturbing behavior of teenagers in the 21st century is considered by experts as a disturbing trend among troubled youth. This interpretation may be true, but mental health advocates maintain there are guidelines parents can use before problems reach the critical stage.

They say that the problem of young people who challenge their parents’ authority is rooted in changes in the outside world and in their relationships at home. For example, in recent years, we have witnessed a breakdown of discipline and disruption of family authority. Family structures are not as strong as they once were, nor are roles well defined. There is often conflict between parents. Moreover, peer involvement exceeds family involvement.

In a society where law and order tend to run out of control, children tend to see their parents engaging in abusive or corrupt behavior. Similarly, the increase in violence and moral degradation encourages children to ask their parents, Who are you to tell us what to do? Look how you live and have you messed up the world? As children grow older, they are generally separated from the family, however, they still need guidance. It is at this stage that parents are encouraged to exercise their flexibility and supervision skills. How parents apply these rules will influence their success in keeping them. Below are 10 suggestions, that if followed quickly, will produce incredible results.

1. Parental Responsibilities. Instead of raising their own children, parents rely on teachers and other authority figures to fill the role of mother and father. To counter problems, it is imperative that parents become familiar with their children’s universe: habits, friends, social networks and extra activities.

2. Set the Rules. Parents should set their own standards, however, it is a good idea to check with other parents, and perhaps the school about prevailing views on curfews, alcohol and other relevant issues. You can’t always trust children to accurately report on the rules of other families. So, it’s important to remember that every family is different, so the rules will vary.

3. Parents should not discriminate on the rules. Both parents should agree on an action and support each other. Children will use every opportunity to take advantage of the differences between their parents. For example: Roger, a 15-year-old with a hyperactive libido, is told by his macho father that it is normal for teenagers to have sex with multiple partners, but his married mother is abstinent. As a result of this difference, Justin is totally confused. The solution: Parents should determine how to handle the disturbing aspects of their children’s lives (sex, drugs, alcohol, rebellion) and agree on a specific strategy. Reluctance and hesitation are not acceptable. According to experts, if a child feels friction, it has the ability to turn one parent against the other which creates a big headache.

4. Discuss the rules with your children. Explain your position calmly, and be prepared to support your ideas. Remember, things have changed a lot since you were a child. Listen carefully to your children. Particularly the oldest, who usually has the hardest time because he or she is a trailblazer for those who follow.

5. The rules must be adapted to the child’s ability to handle the responsibilities. The development of adolescence is uneven not only physically, but also emotionally. A 16-year-old may be able to handle a flexible curfew, but another may not be mature enough. If the rules are not followed, parents must first examine their own roles, expectations and motivations. Do they contribute to the problem? Are the requests arbitrary and unattainable? Example: vulgar language. What kind of language do parents use? If every word that comes out of their mouth is dirty or offensive, there is a good chance that children will develop the same habit. Violent Behavior. Children are not born with a propensity for violence. Instead, he learns from parents and other adults. If you show violent behavior in front of your child, anticipate future problems.

6. Let the children know who is responsible. Parents who fear their children and let them run amuck are bound to be in trouble. Unlike previous generations, today’s youth are protected by a series of laws, making it difficult for parents to discipline. Despite the legal process, parents should make it clear that they are responsible, and their children as long as they are under their roof have to obey the rules.

7. Avoid hostile confrontation. Create an atmosphere where troubling situations are expressed with positive reinforcement. If parents discover their daughter is using drugs they should avoid losing control. Instead, they should remain calm and point out the dangers of substance abuse. After explaining your position, seek professional help. If the child refuses treatment, as a parent you must see to it that he is admitted to a chemical dependency program within 36 hours.

8. Never tag a child with worthless labels. According to experts, children are very impressionable. If a youth is repeatedly told that he is wrong, he will act in accordance with this image. So he starts to respect that reputation and is more likely to get into trouble. Defiant behavior is often used to get attention or to test limits.

9. Always deal with your child with understanding. Children respond to justice. However, it is OK to be angry if your anger is motivated by your concern for their safety. It is your job to protect them; however parents should not protect their children if they commit a serious crime. If a child is found guilty of stealing or destroying public property, he should receive the punishment appropriate to the crime.

10. Treat every child equally. Avoid paying too much attention to one child, while deliberately ignoring the other. Remember that every child is born with unique abilities, unlike anyone else. Learn to appreciate the talents and individuality of each child. If parents follow these suggestions, perhaps unruly children will become a thing of the past, rather than a trend of the future.

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