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Why Would A Husband Break Down In Tears After The Affair?
Sometimes I hear from wives and mistresses (or “other women”) who ask about the husband’s cheating behavior during the affair. One behavior that tends to overlap for both groups of people is that of crying. Both the wife and other women might want to know why they are seeing tears while the husband is bringing up or talking about the matter.
The other woman could say: “the first time that I ever slept with the guy that I’m dating, he started crying. I was naive enough to think that he was touched by what we shared, but now I realize that he cries. often when we are together. Recently his son wrote to him while he was supposed to be at work he missed his son’s event and was with me instead. After that he started crying. Sometimes when he talks about his son or even his wife .he’s going to tear up.It’s starting to dawn on me that all this emotion has more to do with his family than it does with me.But if he’s so broken about his family, why would he cheat with someone else.?I don’t understand that at all.”
On the other side, once the affair was discovered, you might hear a wife say: “My husband has always been very stoic, but we can hardly have a conversation about his affair without it turning into a mud mess. He will try. to explain or give me an answer about the matter, but then he will just start crying. At first, I thought that this was a tactic just to get out of answering my questions. But sometimes, I will actually keep he is staring into space. or communicating with children and has tears in his eyes. This is a bit annoying for me. I can not find it in I feel sorry for him. If he did not want to feel this kind of pain, then he should not be deceived. What crocodile tears are all about him? Why does he cry all the time?”
I can only offer my theories. I am female and I have never cheated on my spouse. But I know people who have been unfaithful, including my own spouse. So I think I have a decent handle on the thought process that goes into this and the feelings that come to the surface afterwards. In my opinion, tears are many things rolled into one – they are guilt, shame, disappointment, and fear. The husband is crying because he knows he is better than this. He knows that he has let go of the people he loves the most and has involved someone else (the other woman) and brought her down with him. He is crying because it hurts to look at the face of his family that has been put at risk. It hurts when you have no answers to give that will make this okay again. It hurts because you did it when you didn’t have to. You did this out of nothing but weakness and poor impulse control.
Do you remember when you were a child and were caught doing something that you knew was absolutely forbidden for a very good reason? You probably cry hot tears of guilt and grief. And when you were doing the act, you were very likely to feel a sick feeling in your stomach because you knew your actions were very wrong and yet, you continued to do them. This is the same feeling that your husband is experiencing right now.
I have heard people say that the husband is just acting while crying and trying to elicit sympathy. But frankly, I don’t know many men (other than professional actors) who are so skilled that they can pull off real tears over a long period of time just for show.
Does that excuse him? Absolutely not. But if you want to save your marriage, I find this is a good sign, although it can be difficult to watch. It means that he feels remorse. It means that he knows that what he did was very wrong. And it will also mean that he wants to avoid feeling that kind of pain again. I am sure that it is quite embarrassing to be a crying mess in front of both your spouse and the other woman. This will hopefully motivate him to become rehabilitated so that he does not repeat this behavior ever again.
With this said, the wife gets to decide how she wants to react to this. He may decide that it is too little/too late. Or he can decide because of his remorse and his motivation to do this well, he can give it a chance. It is important to remember that he is also in a lot of pain. No one needs to make an immediate choice about the course you want to take. Since your husband cheated on her, she will have to wait for you to decide. I hope this article was helpful. Tears are usually several negative emotions – guilt, shame, frustration, etc. all tied into one.
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