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Struggles of Parenting: Dealing With "Destructive" Behavior
It is human nature for children to make mistakes once in a while. This character is a kind of search in the unknown, learning about oneself and its place. What happened? From these actions come results, and these results are another way to learn.
But there will be a difference between normal and abnormal behavior. It’s just how fast you can see the signs and solve the problem. Below, we will discuss:
types of behavior of children,
parenting style and how it affects the child,
the influence of nature and/or care, and
able to get rid of bad habits.
What you need to know about child behavior
Why does my child behave “this way”? Is it just a phase or a sign of abnormality? When will you know it’s too much? These are just a few of the questions that parents ask when visiting a doctor.
First, you need to distinguish between normal and abnormal behavior. Children, especially children, are at the stage of knowing their likes and dislikes. This is where they show independence and the ability to express themselves through action.
Coincidentally, small children do not know how to control themselves. They are still learning how to be patient and patient. Now, not all toddlers are the same, some can control their emotions early on but others need guidance from parents.
Behavioral abnormalities are when your child’s behavior is excessive. Does it affect more than three times a day? Or maybe your child hits, bites, and yells at everyone on a regular basis? There are situations where your child does not respond well to discipline.
To know when to avoid certain behaviors, you need to recognize three types of behaviors:
This type of behavior is the norm or social behavior. It can include the ability for the child to clean his toys, potty training, making friends, and more.
It is a character that can only be used in certain situations. Such as throwing tantrums during uncomfortable events, not playing or eating when the child is sick, etc.
The child’s behavior is harmful to himself and others. Such as hitting other children, acting out in public, yelling or scolding parents, etc.
A parent’s response elicits a child’s response
Do you think your child does not listen to you? Or reacts in a different way than you want it to do? From the name itself, have you ever thought about the struggle you teach your child?
A child’s behavior is a reflection of the parent’s response. The type of parenting you use will affect your child for good or bad. What happened? Because the way you respond is often copied by your child.
When the child witnesses that you talk to your husband/wife, how does your child behave. Do you not believe?
Well, what about the type of food your child eats. One parent is an omnivore while the other is a vegetarian who specializes in vegetables. The child will soon it will be better not to eat the veggies because one of the parents does not eat.
Now how do you make your child like to eat vegetables when he sees you not eating? Isn’t it cruel? When it comes to behavior, your reactions will take a toll. Below are three types of responses:
1. Ignore the discipline
Parents believe that ignoring your child is the best way to be a parent. In a way, it can help but only in certain situations. Ignoring your child when he’s angry will send the message that you don’t approve of his behavior, or that you don’t “buy” him.
The wrong way to use this is when your baby aggressively pulls your hair or doesn’t share his toys. If you use this type of parenting, your toddler will understand that it’s okay to continue the action/it’s not bad.
2. Active Management
Too much control can backfire. If you are strict and scold your child every time he makes a mistake, he will be patient and will grow up. Yes, this may be good, temporarily, because your child will want to avoid punishment.
But sooner or later, your child will not follow your orders or will hide the secret from you. Strict parenting can also improve a child’s self-esteem.
3. Two ways to talk
Remember that your toddler is moving into a new phase, a phase of learning more about what he wants and needs. If your child misbehaves, you should say, “No, that’s not the right way” instead of “NO! Go to your time now!”.
“Time Out” is only appropriate when your child repeatedly misbehaves. So, as a way to avoid repeating it, you should make sure to send messages that will not cause the child to be blamed or criticized.
As parents, be sure to control your behavior and teaching so as not to influence your child’s behavior.
Nature or Nurture: Which is the Most Affective?
Many people argue about the influence of environment and genetics in a person’s behavior. Nature, known as genetics, has found why one person reacts differently from another. While Nurture is also called the environmental impact.
What do you believe? Is the behavior and / or behavior affected by the person experienced in his daily life? Or, the cause of it is from what it received from the ancestors?
There are studies that measure the effect of the two factors. One case is about twins who were separated as soon as they left their mother’s womb. Years later, they were reunited and had many similarities in the twins’ personality.
Now, the environment they live in is different from each other. One went to a prestigious college with a room of his own while the other left the foster home, shared a room with 5 other kids and attended a public school. But why have such a similar attitude?
It is because of genetics. Genetics play a major role in human health. Just like illness and physical behavior, behavior can be passed on.
Meanwhile, when it comes to the environment you have to think about several things:
Interacting with different types of people,
Family circles, too
Type of place or building.
Culture is a perfect example of environmental influence. Each group has different norms and beliefs, people follow these rules through observation. When a group of people watch while walking, others will pass by, and that is what we call the effect of the agent.
If a child is taught to clean his room every day, the child will change it until he grows up. Instead of a child who has not been taught how to care.
Now, can we relate this to the child’s destructive behavior? Don’t limit yourself to one side, always learn and find out what is possible in your child’s behavior.
Is it because you are too strict when teaching your little one (around)? Or maybe, your child has some kind of disorder (genetics)?
Is it too late to fix bad habits?
Studies have shown that when a person matures into his 30s to 40s, it becomes difficult to change habits. It means that it is too late for them to adjust themselves because they are used to certain patterns.
Cite for example the woman who is a compulsive shopper, one way to “change” this is by limiting her options. The truth is, he won’t be able to get rid of that habit completely, what he has to do is change his thoughts to something else. This is different for small children.
Children between the ages of 18 months and 3 years are still “discovering” who they are. So, there may be situations when the child suddenly gets angry, or throws all the toys he has.
As long as you don’t forgive this behavior, it won’t go on forever. Can he fix this? Of course! What to do?
1. Not “shaming”
Embarrassing your child in front of friends and family is embarrassing. Today, some parents declare their children “punished” as a way to teach them a lesson.
Shame will not do any good for your parenting relationship, all it will do is create conflict.
2. Punishment is not the answer
Belts, hanging clothes, and sometimes a razor, are some parents use to punish their children. Another form of punishment is talking by shouting while pointing fingers. When a child sees an act of violence, they will do the same to something/someone else.
3. Step in your child’s shoes
Before you yell or do something rash, step into your child’s shoes and see their perspective. What will they think when they see you feel a certain way? People say that children will repeat the same behavior when you blame/correct too much.
The best way to teach your child how to behave is by being a good role model. It starts with you, you define your child’s behavior.
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