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Parenting Tips & Tricks: A Way For Your Child To Open Up
Admit it, you’ve lied to your parents before – one way or another. Now you are looking for a way to break the chain, to let your child know that you are not here to criticize but to understand. It is not easy to communicate well with children, teenagers, or young adults.
What can you do about it? Why is it difficult for a child to tell their parents everything? Well, ask yourself that question. Why can’t you tell your parents about your stress at school, getting drunk at a party until 3 in the morning, and the list goes on.
Is it because you believe they will not understand your situation? Or maybe, there is no foundation of trust and openness? Well, you will know more in just a few minutes.
The importance of communication
Communication is the ability to send and receive information. People cannot live without communication because it is a way for a person to feel part of a group. In this case, the most important group is the family. Why?
The family is the first group of children to be seen. A unit that describes a person’s right and wrong behavior when identifying wants and needs. You can say, a family is like a football team where the parents are the coaches while the children are the players.
“Mom, I have to go to basketball on Friday,” Samantha said as she clasped her hands together and gulped nervously.
In nature, you can identify two types of communication – Verbal and non-verbal.
Speaking Focus on what you say. Samantha told her mother about an event on Friday night, and that’s what she wanted her mother to understand.
Without speaking is the order you share. While Samantha is questioning her mother’s approval, she is troubled by her behavior. What does this mean? You may mean, he is afraid because his mother will not approve or he has to hide something.
Of these two, which do you think is the best and most useful? Studies have shown that non-verbal communication can tell the truth about a person. Speech can be used but not speaking is like an expression of what a person is really thinking.
What is the communication like?
Good communication should not be strict, it is better to have freedom without rules and restrictions. There are 5 steps to effective communication with your children.
- Make a habit
Just like standards, it is important to teach your child the behavior you want them to have when they are old enough. Before you take action, think that it will be good in the long run.
Making a habit of sitting down and talking with your child is a good practice for good communication skills. How can you create this simple task? You and your family can enjoy dinner while sharing your day. Or maybe, go on a night out with your child.
One of the reasons why children don’t teach is because they think it will bore you. Show interest by putting your phone down and looking at them with curious eyes.
The best example is when they get home, you can ask how their day went. Or maybe, if they tell you something so that you pay attention and remember it.
- Don’t be shy
Comparing your child with other children is not the best option. Not only do you make your child feel that he is not “good enough” for you, but it always creates a boundary for the child to open up.
Instead of saying, “Kate can fold and make her bed anytime, why can’t you?”. You should say, “Amanda, once you become an adult you need to fix your bed. What better way to practice than now!”.
- Avoid threats
Are you the type of parent who says, “You better not drink and dine because your curfew is 12 midnight! If I knew, you would be sued.” Well, it is normal to warn your child but this is not the best way to do it.
Another way is by letting your child know the dangers of going out unsupervised with children that age.
- Help and advise
Being a parent does not mean that your only responsibility is to pay for your child’s education and needs. You also need to look at ways to bring your child to the right path.
Studies have shown that it is in the human body to build a wall when someone feels threatened. This is especially important when you scold your child.
What you can do is suggest ways to solve the problem. This way, your child will not only feel that his parents care but are willing to help. Even in, less than doing homework or chores.
A child talks and acts, but is often inconsistent. They mask what they really want to say. Why? Parents seem to think the worst for their children. “No! It’s too dangerous. If…”This is why children choose to be careful about what to tell their parents.
So, why do children hide their thoughts and feelings instead of telling their parents? If you have been through it yourself, wondering why you did the same to your parents, then you must know the answer!
The child can:
I’m afraid you won’t understand.
Children may think that when they tell you about their worries and feelings, what they will get is a smile or a scolding from you. This is a sign of avoiding shame.
Believe that you know what it’s like.
Some children know that you may be going through the same problem. When they tell you, you will know too much about how he feels and all they want to do is make you worry.
Want to hold it alone.
There are children who want to be independent, believing that they don’t need an adult’s help. Also, in order to prove they are able to choose the decision “like an adult”.
There are four types of children:
Go with the flow
The child who does not decide when there is no problem. It’s like studying for an hour before an exam.
Competition is what motivates a child, they like to argue or win. These children choose to participate in competitions or simply score high in exams.
Those who can’t follow the personal development stage. It may take time for them to adjust, but when they do it will be easier for them. Do not force children to learn things that they are not yet capable of.
A child can combine everything. Sometimes, a child may be good at math but hate science.
How to create a solid contract
Creating a strong bond does not happen overnight. Parents often use parenting practices that make children uncomfortable. A strong bond exists when the parent and child care to understand/consider each other’s feelings.
Five principles for a healthy parent-child relationship:
“That’s right, you can start again. But this time, I’ll help you learn the subjects so that you won’t fail the next test!”, Andi’s mother shouted.
Accept this fact, your child is unique compared to other invalids. Every child has the ability to learn, it’s just fast or slow. Some parents say to their children, “When I was your age, I could have done…” stop saying those words.
“Something is bothering you. Do you want to talk about it?”
It is important to spend time with your child. Having a good relationship means being able to be with your child. Even if you work all day, give a few minutes of your time. A firm contract will not be broken if you do not negotiate.
Doubting your child means you won’t have much freedom for them. If you believe you are doing the right thing, think again. Trust is important in any kind of relationship, without it you will be restless and paranoid.
Your child knows when you don’t trust them. What they will do is make sure you know and not reveal everything.
“Fear will get you nowhere, it’s better to try and fail than not try at all.”
A parent should be there when their child doesn’t believe in themselves. Play the part of the motivator, be motivated and think about the positive side of failure.
The child needs their mother’s warmth to survive. All children need confirmation from their parents, a simple pat or hug is enough to make your child feel safe.
Studies have shown that children who have more contact with their parents tend to have more self-esteem and pride than those who don’t.
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