Archery Classes For 4 Year Olds In Los Angeles Ca A Lion Mom Roars: Two Determined Mothers Aim High for Their Children in Music, But in Different Ways

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A Lion Mom Roars: Two Determined Mothers Aim High for Their Children in Music, But in Different Ways

A few weeks ago, I took my 17-year-old daughter, Ariana, an accomplished viola player, to the East Coast for a top music competition. important – where you go to college is relevant. your whole life. During the first audition, waiting for her turn, I asked Ariana if she was nervous. “No, mom, I’m happy to play for them!” She was happy, like Cinderella going to the ball.

It felt to me like the end of a long road, and the beginning of a new one. When Ariana and her brother Zak were little, I became a single mother. I believe that I would not be able to send them to college without a scholarship. So I nurture them in something that, as a symphonic violinist, I know well: music. I started Zak on violin at 6 and Ariana at 5 (she switched to viola in her teens). During those difficult times, I sometimes sacrificed paying my utility bills to buy their equipment and pay for their advice.

The first piece in Ariana’s first school audition was a Brahms sonata. I practically put my ear to the door. Like I said he shared all the experiences in life that led him to this point; Great experiences like play dates and sleepovers with good friends, horseback riding, and playing in jazz and rock’n’roll bands. And there are words about depression, like his parents’ divorce, immigration and school problems for teenagers.

When she left the room, I could tell from her face that she was staring at him. The teacher, who is the judge, as he left the door, congratulated me, and said that he likes to teach him.

I have been thinking a lot about that experience, because many people have asked me about the ‘tiger mother’ letter. You may have read the article, by lawyer Amy Chua, in the (January 8, 2011) Wall Street Journal, titled ‘Why Chinese Mothers Are Great.’ Chua shares his method of birth, which he calls the ‘tiger’ method, and compares it to the ‘Western’ method. Her children are never allowed sleepovers or play days. They must be the top student in their class, and only play piano or violin, hours a day. Chua shares the story of her 7-year-old daughter Lulu’s difficulty with a particular piano. Lulu gave up and left the piano. His mother forced him back. “Punching, thrashing and kicking” ensued. Chua insulted and threatened her daughter, and did not let her go to the bathroom. After many hours – without dinner – Lulu finally played the right part.

My answer: Chua can achieve the same results with no flaws.

I know this because, not only am I now the parent of three musical children, but I have also led a music school with hundreds of young people. We groom students from the beginning so they will be good enough to get into Juilliard or a top music program, yes is the way they choose. So in our feelings for our children, I am like Chua, who tried to get her daughter into Juilliard’s precollege program.

But, aside from praising Juilliard, my experience helping children grow and thrive in music to reach the highest level cannot be different from Chua’s.

QUESTIONS THAT YOU CAN’T

In allowing himself to be angry with his children during work, Chua took the easy way out. Violin is the most difficult instrument a child can play. Seeing their children upset, a parent’s anger can go from 0 to 100 in seconds. Sometimes I just want to jump in my little girl’s body and do it! Plus the financial sacrifice – no wonder parents go ballistic.

I tell parents that they are not alone in these feelings, and give them tools to reduce stress and help their child’s success. My good fortune includes many compliments and gifts, from puffy stickers and ‘rock band’ bracelets, to cute Japanese erasers and plastic busts of great writers. We also provide many ideas to help make it fun, or at least make it last.

LOVE VS. ‘Play’ with friends

Chua puts a lot of emphasis on getting her children to practice for hours – not just one or two hours, but 3 hours a day or more of practicing alone, with mom. That would be 21 hours a week (in addition to any courses they attend). I am like Chua, about my request that my children practice every day, and give more time every week. Some parents think I am in heaven. I add up the hours my 9-year-old daughter Jenna spends playing music and her cello – it comes out to nearly 20 hours a week. But that’s not a solo practice. Jenna is in two of my school’s music orchestras; and he played in three quartets, with girls his age. In addition, he has four cello lessons a week, one piano lesson, and one music class. I tried to get him to practice solo more – 1 hour a day. (None of this is nearly as expensive or time-consuming as it sounds because, of course, we have a music school that is Jenna’s second home.)

A student who is more correct in my work will study 1 or 2 lessons a week; join one of our string quartets once a week, and play with one or two of our orchestras every week. It is also encouraged to practice 45-90 minutes a day, depending on the level and age. That can average 1 hour a day, around 12 hours a week, compared to Chua’s children’s 21 hours.

Giving time to practice is important. In the elementary school to high school years, it is true that the children who practice a lot of time will have the highest standards, and will get the first seat. But when they go out into the real world, and start auditioning for conservatories, high-level orchestras, and competitions, the winners will be the players who are not only talented, but who also have able to interpret a piece of music in a way that is unique to them, with a high level of musicality that can only come from many experiences in life – including the experience not music such as play dates, sleep, and friendship.

Jenna got a good time, not a “time.” A significant part of his 21 hours, and 12 hours of our students more, was spent in the group with his friends. It is in group play that students develop their musical skills, and other skills such as listening, directing, and rhythm. It is also in group play that the child develops a sense of cooperation that draws him into music. They join a great club with friendship, fun, snacks, trips to fun music festivals, awards, pins, trophies, and most importantly, travel. ! Membership encourages them to practice – reducing parents’ stress.

Which leads to another reason that the ‘tiger’ approach is bad. Being a musician is a social activity. Success is about connections and friends. If there is a good job, and there are two players to choose from, it is the one who is with everyone who will get the job.

Chua seems to separate his daughters. He explained that as a ‘Chinese’ he said that his child should be number one in every situation, school and music. My thoughts: In music, as in life, aiming to be number one is a losing proposition. There will be a better player. Children must learn to cooperate in order to succeed.

MONEY IS MONEY

After ten years of running a music school, we have learned that some parents need to separate from the student during the lesson. I’ll tell the child how important it is to rest their upper body, and then the parent will shout, or even kiss the child – “And don’t forget to push your hand!” – which pretty much puts us back to square one of a child’s tension. Overbearing parents limit student success.

Chua wants her daughters to be perfect. I tell my students (and their parents) that it is wrong. One of the things I say a lot in class and music is, “I’m so glad you were wrong, now we can all learn!” My own children have made many mistakes – big ones. Like the time Ariana forgot to tie her bow before a beautiful speech! Another time, he left the sound of his violin for the entire performance! You bet he won’t do that again. We laughed then, and we still chuckle about it.

When my children fail, when they don’t get the first seat, I don’t take it personally. I know they will do better next time. They don’t want me to pull it.

After years of dealing with hundreds of parents, it is clear to me that people like Chua tie themselves too tightly to their children’s performance.

STICK with it

Along with patience, there is another area where Chua and I are similar: We are both stubborn. If it is the mother tiger, you can call me mother tiger. I agree with Chua’s attitude that, if someone wants their child to become a musician, parents should have a single mind, with him, slog through the difficulties, and not don’t give up. But parents must also learn to separate from the child, and make their lives grow emotionally and spiritually. And parents do no should be given a child’s precious childhood.

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