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Parenting Maze in the 21st Century
When I was a child myself, I often remember family dinners, which were uninterrupted family time. When the phone rang, my mother would shout, “nobody answered that”. Now as a mother myself I find it very difficult to hold a conversation with my children without them being connected to their cell phones and other electronic devices. They are tweeting, face booking, and looking at instagram instead of appearing now as a family. As a Marriage and Family Therapist, I have many families who come to my office feeling out of touch with their children and don’t know where to start. Children get phones at the age of 8. I understand as parents we are scared by all the violence in schools, but I think when we give them cell phones early in their lives, you are setting them up your child to live in their world.
It is more difficult as a parent to know exactly who your child is talking to or who your child is texting. It’s true that cell phones and computers are the way of the 21st century, but how can we embrace today’s culture and still have a family dinner to connect with your children and teach them how to communicate and listen? Children need to be heard and seen. We cannot read body language by sending them. Parenting is a very difficult job and does not come with a book, and today’s world makes parenting even more difficult. Technology is great and opens many possibilities. My daughters are away at college and I can Skype them and see their faces when we talk. That makes me feel closer to them.
We can accept cell phone use and continue to use family dinners and breaks to bond with your child. Cell phones are very useful in finding your child and even working through stress. We can write to them instantly and apart from their ever-changing world. As parents we don’t want to give up, but we also have values we grew up with that help children stay grounded and participate in family life. Families should have game nights, movie nights and going out. Family is an important part of society and keeps children safe. So let’s find ways to be involved in our children’s lives that don’t necessarily involve technology. Parenting in the 21st century incorporates old values as well as fosters new ones.
5 ideas for a successful family dinner
1. Plan meals together – children will eat more food.
2. Have theme nights – eg Pizza night, breakfast for dinner.
3. Have someone speak at dinner, so everyone has time to share about their day.
4. There is a basket at the beginning of the meal for everyone to put their cell phones in. (The Elderly)
5. Use dinner to plan your next family event and use the calendar to plan what will happen. Children will be more involved if they are involved in the planning.
These tips will help build a strong family relationship that will stand the test of time and your children will pass on the best of family relationships to their children.
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