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Parenting Your Children Positively: How To Stop Being Your Child’s Personal Servant

“My kids are just lazy.”

“Why is it so hard for my daughter to keep her room clean?”

“It’s easier to avoid fighting and just make my kids work for them.”

“If I leave my children to wash, I just have to do it all over again…”

Have you ever felt this way? I’m sure every parent has. So, what to do?

How can you get your kids to help around the house – and maybe even enjoy it?

Last Friday, a parent in my daughter’s first grade class asked me the following question:

“I am thinking of giving my son a role

or ‘work’ to show his responsibility to himself and others and property. Do

Do you have any idea what would be suitable for a 6 year old child?…”

Ahhh… create a sense of responsibility. Yes, I think giving responsibility to children

at an early age is great! If you have not yet started giving your children

mission, start now!!

Children like to have role models in their lives, they may not act like them

do, but research has shown that structure and responsibility are both

what children desire in their daily lives. You can start as early as 18

the moon comes of age with responsibility. Now I know that many of you are thinking,

Tammi is crazy, how can 18 months learn? An example of this

when your child is playing with something ask them to help you choose

up. If there are blocks on the floor, say, ‘Can you help mom put one

blocked in the box?’ Show them what you mean and get them to follow your example.

Once your child has done this once, make a big deal out of it. Praise them, clap your hands

for them, give a high five or a hug. Enjoy the fact that your child

just listen to you and help you bring toys. You can not only use this time

as a time for when you are showing responsibility, but a general time for

teaching. For example, ‘Can you take a toy that has a red color on it and put it in

your basket?’ Not only do they clean, but they work for color,

number, they know. Make a game out of learning and your child

will keep not only their toys, but important education as well.

For older children, play the ‘I Spy’ game with them. If their room is one

mess, go with them and say ‘I spy something green’. When they come to pick up

green things, say yes and have them put away. Then have your child spy

something to pick up and keep. A simple game you can play with you

the baby and you get a clean room at the same time. The key to having one

the child has a responsibility to have expectations of them. Are they always going to do it

ask them how? No, but always include them in the family work, not only

show them their role, but really make them feel that they are a part of

family and they are important to you. The bonus here is what you get

spend more time with your child in a positive way.

Here is a list of ideas you can use to get your kids to help you:

4 years and under:

* Put away toys (even if at first it’s just a few)

* help you put money aside. Put the spoons for them in the drawer. (

of course most will not end up in a good place at first, but that’s ok)

* Have them help you with dinner (put the dry ingredients in the recipe)

* Have them put dish towels or linens in a drawer where they can reach

* Have them put non-perishable items (fruit) in the refrigerator after eating

shop.

* Have them get the tissues or tissues you need for changing a sibling

* Have them push in the chair after dinner

* Give them a stick and tell them to sweep (And they will not be good at it, but

praise them, they try and that’s the most important thing)

5 years and above:

* Increase the frequency that they are responsible for everything

* Put their dirty dishes on the counter or rinse them out in the sink

* Set the table (There are all the plates, dishes, cups, etc. out for them and there

they set the table)

* Have them sweep up after dinner

* Empty part or all of the dishwasher or clean the dishes after they have been

wash

* Feed animals water or food

* Wash their dirty clothes and make sure it is put in the right place

* Have them make their own bed (It may not be as good as you want, but fix it

it after they left the room)

* Ask them to throw away their backpacks and shirts after school

* Ask them to take their clothes off to study the next day

* Give them Clorox wipes and have them wipe on the bathroom counter

* Give them a rag with a duster on it and have them dust all the furniture

at their level

The list is endless, creative and mixed at times.

I have found with my own children that they are more involved than I am with them in my daily life

activities, the more they are willing to help me out and not fight. Those

The other night we talked with our two older daughters (11 ½ and 10) and said

once a week, we want them to help clean the kitchen after dinner. Well we are

the youngest daughter (7 yr.) and she also wants to be in the order. When he

the older sister came to help them, she helped us clean everything for 10 years

the kitchen. They even put extra food in the refrigerator with saran wrap on it. Three

told the two girls how proud we were of them and how special they just made us feel

do something good for us. They were beaming from ear to ear. After that

At night, my husband was going to take a break on the bathroom floor and our young son came inside

and said he wanted to do it, so he was on his hands and knees scrubbing

front bathroom. He did a great job and we are very proud of him, there

received many compliments and hugs and kisses. Now I think this of his week or

today? No, but I am very happy for him and more importantly, he is satisfied

himself.

I know that children need hope for them. Will they welcome this?

No, but they really want this from their parents. There are many parents today

want to be friends with their children and make their lives easy

possible. Unfortunately this is not the real world they will one day live in

in. Expect your children and help them be responsible.

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